Little Things for Which I am Thankful

Terri

I’m sure we have all made decisions in our lives that caused others pain, whether we intended it to or not. I sometimes find myself going back in time in my mind to some of those events. (The catalyst for the memories can be something as simple as sitting in the same park I found myself in a few years ago, on such a beautiful sunny day like today.  However, at the time I could only cry.)

For me, the most painful thing to remember is the day that I had to tell my then-husband at the time that I felt like I had to leave. It was in response to his question of “what do you want to do today?” which was asked very innocently. I think we both knew things were going on with me and that I was not happy but as long as we didn’t talk about it, we didn’t have to deal with it. Looking back, I just remember that look of hurt on his face, and knowing that I had put it there. It still rips me up inside sometimes if I let it. I never wanted to hurt another human being like that, ever, and I don’t ever want it to happen again. Luckily, today, there were no tears, just a bit of nostalgia or bittersweetness at what my life once was and what it is now. I acknowledged the feelings for being there and then made an active decision to keep moving forward with my day and realize it’s all in the past.

When my now-ex broke up with me last summer, it was over the phone, so at least he didn’t need to see the look on my face. At the time, parts of me felt that maybe this was happening to me to even the score for what I had done to my husband–that since I had hurt someone else, that I deserved to be hurt too. It was just a small part of me that felt that way – the healthier part of me knew that was  most likely not the case.

Around the time that I left my husband, with the help of a great therapist (she is actually a licensed social worker but she’s the best therapist I think I can and will ever have), I realized that I was clinically depressed. I derived a lot of my self worth from what others thought of me. Criticism was very hard for me to take. Someone saying or acting like they didn’t want to be friends with me really hurt. It made me feel like there was only something else wrong with me.  This was because I viewed myself as damaged goods. In my mind, everyone else had it “together” much more than I possibly ever could.   (If you’ve never felt that way, or had to suffer through depression, or some other kind of mental illness or biological/chemical imbalance, then consider yourself extremely lucky and don’t judge those who are, have, or will.)

So, where am I going with this and how does it relate to gratitude? Well, during a conversation with someone earlier this week, I realized I don’t let criticism or perceived criticism bother me as much as I used to allow it. For example, earlier this week, I told a family member of my plans to live in an RV.  I felt that the response was critical, sort of like incredulous at what I was thinking of doing and how could I possibly succeed or be happy living in a tiny home or motor home. I felt myself getting defensive, and for a day or two, I let it gnaw at me.  I even thought of calling this person or emailing them and saying “what gives? I don’t judge you, so don’t judge me. ”

And then I realized, you know what? That is my perception of what that other person thinks is what you need in life, and maybe he didn’t mean it to come out that way.  His idea of what he needs in life to be happy is so different than mine, and our lives are SO different. So, I decided to let it go.  So that’s the first thing I am grateful for – my getting better at letting criticism or perceived criticism rule my feelings and emotions, or at least not letting them do so for as long as I used to permit them.  Also, for knowing I was able to pull myself out of that dark place of depression from a few years ago. I know it’s still something to work on from time to time but I’m doing it. I’m doing it!

Second thing I’m grateful for:

My re-found love of running. I am feeling so much more like myself these days, having a plan of what to do at my workouts, or for at least part of them. Having a goal. Knowing it’s achievable. And feeling damn good (for the most part) while doing it!! I was even happy running on the treadmill today because I felt like I could keep going faster and faster and faster! And felt strong! (I even had my pace back in the 9 minute and under range, again!!! Now if only I could do that outside…)

Third thing I’m grateful for:

A friend of mine who unfortunately I’ve not spoken to in a while, but whose updates I see all the time on facebook, just posted a video yesterday of her little boy saying his first word. He was also actively using his right side of his body. Now, the first word alone is miraculous in itself. But you have to know this little boy’s medical past – he suffered a stroke basically during childbirth and then had a really big problem with seizures. He underwent surgery this past spring and it looks like what the neurosurgeons did was extremely successful, because he continues to impress and amaze us all. The first time I said to her “he’s gonna be president someday” I was half kidding. Now, I know there’s nothing this kid can’t accomplish.

Fourth thing I’m grateful for:

Except for the very gray weather we are having today, we have had a few really gorgeous days this past week. Days that remind you why the Northeast is really beautiful in the spring.  And I have my bike back from the Bike Doctor and it’s all ready to go!! Tune up done, new back tire, new light on the front. She’s looking beautiful!

I hope you all have many reasons to be grateful for today and for what’s going on in your lives right now.  Have a great weekend, and as always, if you have liked this post, please drop me a line, hit like below, or subscribe! Thank you!

 

 

 

Getting Rid of My Debt, Part 17 (Some Decisions Made)

Terri
Another cute pet photo - HoneyBun and Osito. HoneyBun has recently discovered the softness of Osito's bed. :-)
Another cute pet photo – HoneyBun and Osito. HoneyBun has recently discovered the softness of Osito’s bed. 🙂

Have I mentioned in the past that sometimes I am decision impaired? Well, if not, lol, I am. It can be on something so simple as travel arrangements (will a cheaper flight come around right after I reserve my seats? Is this the right thing to spend my money on? etc., etc.) I’m getting better, though.

The other day, I sat down and figured out that based on my LAL loan balance, which is now, (Drum Roll, Please . . .) $16,721.40, that if I wanted to have it paid off by June 2015, it would cost me roughly $1,306 per month.  I’d been planning on paying $720 on it each month so that’s a big difference in funds. So, this is what I have done to make up for the shortfall.

First decision:

I’ve decreased $ going into my savings accounts from a total of $480/paycheck to $230. There’s a $250 difference per paycheck. Yes, this means that the amount going into my tiny house/land fund each month from my full-time job goes from $400 to $100. But here’s the good news…I just picked up an additional regular shift at the gym, every week. It will bring in about $140ish more to the tiny home/land fund as that is where all the money I earn from that job goes.  (That amount is what I estimate after taxes are taken out.) I literally never see it in my regular checking account. This helps me in a couple ways. (1) I don’t even get the opportunity to spend it elsewhere. (2) If I ever feel tired, I just remind myself where that money is going — i.e. to my future tiny home, or more likely, motorhome, and that’s all the motivation I need to get moving.

Second decision:

I know others may not agree with me on this, but I cut my contributions to my TDA (tax deferred account – in the academic world, it’s known as a 403(b) rather than 401(k)), in half. I was putting $200 in per paycheck and I’ve cut that amount to $100.

I think these two reductions come up to about the $600 dollar difference I needed (I had previously budgeted to pay a total of $720/month on the LAL loan.) So, if all goes well, I will now be paying $1320 on my LAL loan every month in addition to $558 to my federal loans (and yes, folks, that $558 figure is ALL INTEREST.)

While I know this means the tiny house/motorhome fund grows at a slower pace, there is still some freelance work to be done this summer. I don’t know the exact amount yet (still waiting on another chapter), but I know it’s out there. And it’s gonna be FUN! (I say that in all seriousness, because yes, I am a giant dork. That and I already know the topic of the chapter…)

Also, I will have another three paycheck month this year – I believe it falls in November. That will be another month where I put a ton onto the loan balance, if needed. OR, it goes to the tiny home/motorhome fund!

Scheduling Payments/Budgeting:

I have begun tracking my expenses with a free version of the app called DollarBird. (I have an iphone 4S, but it looks like it is also available on Android phones.)  I’ve done the tracking deal in the past but not with so much concentration. And yes, this month has already included some “fun” expenses such as my friend’s 30th birthday celebration. So I’m trying to get a realistic sense of my $ and where it’s going, even more than I already do.

I’m going with Dave Ramsey’s advice as best as I can – writing down before the month starts, how much from my paycheck goes to allotted categories.  His saying is “Every dollar has a name.”  Trying to account for every $ but sometimes it’s hard to estimate things like “how much will I spend that day out with my friend?”

Here’s what I can do though – schedule those extra principal payments to my LAL loan at the beginning of the month. I’ve already scheduled a payment for May 16th, for $400. It feels good to know it’s taken care of before the funds even arrive.  That extra principal payment is just like another bill to me. I don’t question it’s going to be paid.

What do you do to try to get yourself out of debt?

Tangent Alert: I am LOVING training for a marathon again. Granted, I’m in the beginning stages so my mileage is not too high – 20.75 miles total last week and only 16 scheduled for this week, but I started doing some fartlek/speed work yesterday and felt strong and confident. Just keeping the faith that my body can hold out and the exercises I’ve been taught for my back and SI Joint keep working.  Plus, there’s always ice packs! 🙂

If you have liked this post, please drop me a line below, or hit like or subscribe! Seriously, I love comments and interacting with people that way!

Little Things for Which I am Thankful

Terri

Some weeks, it is a bit difficult to come up with good stuff for this post – those are the weeks that you just want to be over once they’ve started. But this week has been different. I was thinking about a lot of this during my run this morning.

I want to share with you a video that I like listening to as I do stuff around my apartment. My favorite line in the video comes at the very end and it’s “It’s doable. You just have to have the right mind-set.” 

I am so thankful for the outpouring of concern I have received from many of you this week when you saw I was down in the dumps, whether it be on facebook, or as a comment on here, or in emails.  Some comments came from some new readers of my blog, which really helped and made me feel like “you know what? it’s gonna be ok. there are people out there rooting for you. just like the last time you blogged. aren’t you glad you started up again?”  I have also found some new blogs to follow of my own, and they show me that among other things, yes, you can live in a trailer or motorhome, with your furry animals, and be happy. (That’s RVSue and Her Canine Crew.)  You don’t have to live like everyone else in this world. (Art of Hookie.) I’m not the only person who sits with pen and paper to calm herself down, and keep on figuring out ways to get out of debt, faster, faster, and faster! (Budget Loving Military Wife). And I’m reminded every day by a certain gentleman who was part of my downsizing online class, of how you can really make changes just by keeping at it, and keeping at it, and keeping at it.) (Less Stuff, More Joy.)

I am reminded again of how good and helpful the online community can be. And this (blogging) time around, I also have some really good friends and a support network that I didn’t feel like I had when I wrote on my old blog, Middle-of-the-Pack-Girl. So that’s just the first thing I wanted to mention I am feeling very thankful for.

The second thing.  I was gone for 12 hours yesterday and when I came home, the animals were pretty much bouncing off the walls. My little Osito kept following me everywhere. Made me so thankful for the decision to adopt her just a year ago. As I started writing this post, she was snuggled up right next to me, asleep. That’s all she needs to be happy. A warm Mom to snuggle up to. I’m so glad to be able to give that to her.

This makes me glad to be alive.
Reservoir behind my building.

The third thing.    I was REALLY tired this morning when I woke up. My legs were stiff and I thought to myself, how can I even run on these legs today? But I did. Granted, only three miles, because that’s what my brother advised me to run. But you know what? My legs felt pretty damn good once I got going! I was so very thankful for the beautiful reservoir I have behind my home (see pic to the right.)  I was reminded of how much I love running and that camaraderie you can have with other runners sometimes, that smile or nod you give each other, like you belong to a special club or something, lol. It’s unspoken but you know what you share. And this morning, the water on the reservoir was very still, and the sky overhead was pretty much overcast almost during my entire run. My FAVORITE type of running is under cloudy skies.

The fourth thing. I just made a big payment on my private LAL loan. $700 to be exact. It will take a few days to hit the account, but it’s there. And it will bring the balance down under $17K! Woohoo!! This is the first of a few payments for this month since it’s a three paycheck month. (Another reason to smile.)

The fifth thing.  I’ve got my health. I’m 41, and don’t look it or feel it. I feel much younger. And with my chiropractor helping me, I no longer feel pain every single day in my back, or if I do, I know how to handle and decrease it. If you do have your health, you really do have everything. (Well, that, and people and animals to love.)

Finally, folks, it’s Friday. My best friend turns 30 this weekend so a group of us are taking her to brunch tomorrow where I hear that they have a CHOCOLATE BAR!! I can’t imagine a better way to enjoy time with my friends.

Have a great weekend. And if you’ve liked this post, please drop me a line or subscribe!

 

Getting Rid of My Debt, Part 16 (Been Thinking)

Terri

So, after my extremely depressing post of yesterday, I got to thinking last night. Whenever I get down in the dumps about my debt, I start to put pen/pencil to paper with my calculator and start doing some figuring of numbers. Yes, I literally mean, pencil to paper. Call me old school or old-fashioned, but it helps to relax me. I like seeing the numbers literally down in black and white in front of me. It’s like they’re more concrete that way, you know?

To make up for the depressingness of yesterday’s post, here’s a cute pet photo of Osito. She sleeps smack dab next to me every night until she wakes up in the middle of the night to empty her tiny bladder. (Hey, she’s 5 pounds soaking wet, so how large can it be??)

I like how she is sticking out her tongue.
I like how she is sticking out her tongue.

 

Read more →

Sigh…..

Terri

I know I sounded upbeat yesterday and I really felt it. I even felt upbeat this morning as I thought about how I could really kill my debt. I know….I will take money out of my 403(b) account, and even if I end up paying penalties and taxes, it’ll be worth it to beat that Big Daddy loan to debt! Right!! Right??! Right? (This last one was said with a questioning tone.)

I called Vanguard who handles my 403(b) account, and nope, what I want to do – take out my own money, to pay off my own debt, is not allowed by the plan. I understand the reasons why, but what a way to take the wind out of my sails…

Yes, I was willing to take such desperate measures. As anyone knows who has ever tried to get out of debt, of whatever source, at times, it feels hopeless. Like it’s never going to end. I think to myself, “I’m 41, I’m working 2 jobs plus a freelance job and I still feel like this debt will ALWAYS be hanging over my head. ALWAYS.” If I were to add up all the payments I have made over the years, I would get really depressed. Probably to the point of being catatonic. When you have a loan that was $71K in 2001, and after paying about $500-760 a month on it for years and years and years, and still seeing that it now has a balance of (and I mean, NOW), over $75K, well it gets a bit freaking depressing.

One person has said to me, “well, we all signed the promissory notes and didn’t have guns to our heads.”  Yes, this is true. I just wish I hadn’t been such a moron back then. Or that I would have liked the career enough, on which I spent all that money, to stay in it so I would actually (hopefully) be making a bigger salary that would have allowed me to pay off the loans faster. But you can’t force yourself to love a job which makes you miserable. And you can’t force an employer to pay you more money for a job that requires you to have more degrees than just a lawyer, because it requires less hours. So it’s a tradeoff. I make less money than the big hotshot lawyers, but I have a life. Or at least, I try to. In between working three jobs, that is.

And, I have learned, you can realize you don’t have to do what everyone else does in life just because it’s what you are supposed to do. But you do have to pay back those damn blasted  loans, because guess what? They are the ONLY type of debt you can’t get rid of in bankruptcy. (Thank you, Congress. And thank you, President Obama, for trying to put a cap of $57,000 on the amount of student loans that can be forgiven because of working in a public service position. That’s like a drop in the bucket to most students graduating from school these days. And yes, the jury is still out on whether or not my loans qualify for forgiveness, even after ten years, which wouldn’t be until 2017 anyway.)

Ok, my ranting is done. I know I usually try to be more positive than this. But it’s been a very gray and dreary day out, and the weather forecast is looking like it is much more of the same for the rest of the week. The grayness and cold are just getting old.

Thanks for reading, folks, if you have gotten this far.

Getting Rid of My Debt, Part 15

Terri
Sebastian and Osito. As soon as I picked her up, he moved right over into her space. :-)
Sebastian and Osito. As soon as I picked her up, he moved right over into her space. 🙂

 

Of course this post had to begin with a cute pet photo! I’ve never seen these two be so close to each other!

Been a little bit since I’ve been able to give an update, but I promise this one has been worth waiting for!!

May is the month I’ve been waiting for all year!! Yeah, baby….it’s the first 3 paycheck month of the year! And I have a plan for those extra dollars – they are going to go straight to my private student loan.

Here’s how the debt is looking as of now:

LAL Loan: $17,401.24
Simmons Loan: $23,620.04
Big Daddy (federal) loan: $75,390.94

Total balance: $116.412.22

My last payment on the LAL loan was made on April 16th, for 167.11. That’s my regular monthly payment now. Of that, $151.56 went to principal with just $15.55 going to interest. Before that, I had made a payment of $433 of which $410.31 went to principal and $22.69 went to interest. I remember the days when that loan was nearing 8% and when most of my payment went to interest rather than the other way around.

So what’s my plan? Well, here it is:

Paycheck of 5/2/14: $1133 EXTRA to LAL loan (this includes the usual $433 extra that I pay on the loan, plus $700)

Paycheck of 5/16/14: $130 EXTRA to LAL loan, plus the usual regular payment of $167.11, for a total payment of 297.11 – ok, now that I look at it, I need to make it an even $300, or that’s gonna drive me crazy!

Paycheck of 5/30/14: Let’s say an EXTRA $100 to the student loan.

I want to try to pay more at the end of May, but I know with that paycheck, I’ll be attending a conference in Providence for four days that is held by Perform Better. I need to leave myself money and time to take either the commuter rail or a rental car. It’s looking possible to do, however, with the commuter rail, which will save me a TON of $ over taking a rental car there. It’ll be some long days but that’s ok. It’ll be worth it.

So, that comes to a grand total of $1533 to be paid on the loan this upcoming month of May. WOW. I sure hope I can turn that into a reality. That would definitely bring my loan down into the $15K range – woohoo! Not bad considering it was almost $21K back in September, and in the meantime, I’ve really increased my savings and also paid off a personal loan of about $4200.  (See the numbers below.)

Sept. 2013:

Personal loan: $4,211.42
LAL loan: $20,939.94
Simmons Loan: $23,620.04
Big Daddy (federal) loan: $75,390.94

TOTAL BALANCE: $124,162.34

Just think – it might be  more than $10,000 of debt I’ll have paid off in about 9 months if I can do this!! And saved more than I have ever saved before. The work is paying off. I’m proud to say that as of now, I have more saved than I ever had saved before, even when I was married. 🙂 [Of course, some of it is being saved for next year’s taxes for my freelance work, but hey, let me revel in this goal, ok?!)

Wow. I just reread this post and thought about it. I have spent more in the past month than normal, due to my friend being in town for the marathon, and having bought some new sneakers (the beautiful Hoka One Ones Bondi model), plus I have bought some sports nutrition products through a company called Vega. The products are all plant-based, so I’ll let you know how they work out. Just part of the marathon training program.

I’ll give everyone an update once these payments hit the loan account and I can see how  much goes to principal vs. interest, etc.

DIE, LAL Loan, DIE!!!  (Picture me saying this while brandishing a sledgehammer!!)

Anyway, if you have liked this post, please hit “like” below or subscribe, and thanks for reading!

 

 

 

First “Long” Run is in the Books!

Terri

I use “quotes” around the word Long in the title because hopefully soon it will feel like just a warmup. Today it felt like just a regular run, with one exception. It was the FIRST of my new marathon training Saturday runs!!

Some of you know I used to write a running blog at Middle-of-the-Pack Girl (yep, it’s still up) and I started that when I was running again on a consistent basis. It was a blog I kept to keep my family informed of what was going on. Before long, I had met some other runners online and we started cheering each other on with our running goals. Mine soon became to run a marathon, which I did, back in October 2008 (Maine Marathon.)  Today, I felt like my pace would have made me more Back-of-the-Pack Girl, but unlike 6 years ago, I didn’t let that bother me. It’s weird, the emotions I felt today getting ready to run, and during the run. Read more →

Little Things for Which I am Thankful (yeah, really not so little…)

Terri

It was a busy, but wonderful week. I can’t believe it was a week ago that I picked my friend Lisa (Mom to Marathon) up at the airport so she could stay with me and run the Boston Marathon! We had such a great time and even though we started as friends online, 6 years ago, in ways it feels like no time has passed, and in others, it feels like I’ve known her forever. Know what I mean?

So much to be thankful for this week!  If there’s anything you are thankful for, please drop me a comment below!

1. My friend, Lisa, finished the marathon!!! Now, normally this isn’t a big deal. She’s a great runner and has a strong will so if it’s within her power, she will always finish. Last year, however, it wasn’t within her control, due to some a-holes setting off bombs near the finish line.  So, this year she got to run down that wonderful stretch of Boylston that they had stopped her from doing last year. She told me it was one of her slowest marathons ever, but her face hurt from smiling so much. I was sooooo happy for her!

2. I had gotten to the point at work last week where I could just tell I needed time off. Whenever I start to feel like students are “grabbing” at me (for lack of a better word), I know it’s time for me to be out of the office. I mean, being here to answer questions is basically my job, so when I don’t want to do it, I know I am getting burned out. I can’t think of a better way to have spent those few days out of the office than with a good friend. We went to Castle Island down in South Boston, right on the water, on Tuesday. It was a gorgeous, sunny day. We took little Osito with us and of course, we were stopped by many children and adults alike on the way, who kept cooing over her and her cuteness. 🙂 I mean, she was in her summer dress – how could you not?? (Laugh if you will, I love that little girl and she totally doesn’t mind being dressed up.)

3. This was the week I decided to train for a marathon this fall. My second. I’m a bit nervous about my body being able to take all of the stress of the pounding, so I’m going to really pay attention to it along the way. I’m thankful for all the support I’ve received from everyone since deciding to go for it again. I’m especially grateful for having such a wonderful brother who has agreed to be my coach and put together a program for me.

4. I am thankful for having found a brand of sneaker called Hoka One One. Without them, I thought I would be relegated to no longer running races of even 5 miles. Thanks to them, I have felt so much less back pain this week and even been able to run a few days in a row. They have so much cushioning that they have been able to absorb a lot of the pounding for me. Wish me luck for the 5-6 miles I will be logging tomorrow. For right now, it’s my longest distance I’ve run in a while. It will soon be eclipsed.

5. I am so so so so thankful for my chiropractor. He’s given me such great advice and exercises to use and I am feeling the difference every day. I used to feel like my body was that of an 80 year old woman with the constant back pain. I no longer feel that way.

6. My mom got engaged this past week. I’m really happy for her. The guy she is with now is really great and treats her with such respect and admiration. It’s clear he is really in love with her. She deserves to be happy.

7. A photo is worth a thousands words! Tookie, the cat in the picture below, was my foster baby for about 7 months. His mom just sent this picture to me this week – the dog, Po, is now Tookie’s bestest, bestest, bestest friend in the world! Clearly, Po feels the same way about him as he’s letting  Tookie eat his food!  I am not sure Tookie would have been put up for adoption out of the shelter due to his elimination habits, so I felt so happy when I saw this photo and know that his mom is still totally committed to him, quirks and all.

Tookie, my former foster baby!!! (He's the cat, by the way.)
Tookie, my former foster baby!!! (He’s the cat, by the way.)

I must have lost my mind somewhere….

Terri

Because no blog post is complete without a photo of one of my cute animals, here you go – it’s little Osito in a summer dress!!

Yes, I am that person who dresses their dog in a dress.
Yes, I am that person who dresses their dog in a dress.

 

Drum roll please….. I’m going to train for my SECOND MARATHON!!! That’s right, only 6 short years (note sarcasm) after the first one, I’m going to do this to myself again. You all know I live in Boston, and well, it’s a crazy-for-running town. Seeing my friend Lisa and so many others finish it this year and the FIRST AMERICAN in about 30 years finish first in the men’s race was just so inspiring. Read more →

Little Things for Which I am Thankful: Learning to Accept

Terri
My boys....so predictable...but I love them!
My boys….so predictable…but I love them!

Or should I say, the theme for this post is learning to accept.  (I’ll get to the point after taking a very short tangent below about this weekend.)

It’s going to be a very busy weekend with my friend Lisa who is also known as Mom to Marathon coming into town to run the Boston Marathon this Monday. If  you know of her, you know she was stopped on Boylston Street last year. Thankfully, she ran with her phone and we were able to find each other. Personally, I think she was going on adrenaline most of that day because she was still “going, going, going” later on that night, even though after running all that way she still did a ton of walking with me since the T was shut down and cabs were pretty hard to come by.

I’m grateful for my learning how to accept a few things this week, or at least learning how to accept dealing with certain things.   I’m going to forego the usual list for today, and just write about what I’m grateful for–I hope no one minds.

You may know that I take anti-depressants. I have for the past 3.5 years since my divorce. They have greatly helped me out and I admit, when I started taking them, I thought that they would be a temporary part of my life. You take them, you work through them, you wean yourself off of them, and then you’re all back to “normal.” However, once you have had a depressive episode in life, you are considered 50% more likely to have another one. And if you have had two depressive episodes in your life, your odds increase to something like 85%. I’m in that second category as I know now that I was must have been clinically depressed as a teenager. So, I should stay on them as maintenance medication.

Earlier this week, I mentioned to someone how I thought about still taking them. She suggested I look at them as the same as someone who takes high blood pressure medication, or medication for a hyper thyroid. It’s something that person has to take to keep them functioning biologically correctly and efficiently. The difference between the two is the stigma that gets attached to anything dealing with depression or problems of the mind.

So, I’m learning to accept that I may be on them for a good portion of my life. But that’s ok, because honestly, I like who I am as a person now, more than I ever have before. I’m so much more comfortable with my life. The few times I have tried to cut down by one pill or so, for some reason, I just haven’t felt “right.” So I will be sticking with the plan of medication.

I have also come to realize that most likely my tiny house will be an RV, and most probably, a motor home. This doesn’t mean that I am giving up on the dream of a tiny home. It just means the form of the tiny home will be something manufactured. But I will make it my “own” don’t you worry. The reason I say this is because the cost of tiny homes when made by someone other than yourself, just seem to be skyrocketing as they catch on with more popularity. Because I would be a single woman traveling, a motor home just makes sense for a number of reasons: safety, not having to hitch and unhitch every time I travel anywhere, and also because of my animals. Having a travel trailer would require me to need the help of a second person to hitch up, and also my animals would have to travel in carriers in a car. I already know one wouldn’t make it out of town before puking or peeing himself in his carrier. It just wouldn’t be pretty.  My plan is to not move around all the time like a “snowbird” because God knows, I would need a job! And I would likely keep it in one place most of the time. But it would be nice to know that if I did travel someplace for the weekend, I could take my whole “fur family” right along with me.

And before you mention it, yes, I know those things are hard to drive around in all the time. That’s why I would probably buy a scooter, which if I had to tow behind the motor home, is much easier to attach than say, a full-fledged car. And, they are much more efficient on gas, thereby saving me money.

Since accepting this is probably my path to tiny living, I have felt a sense of relief, honestly. I don’t like dealing with, or I should say, I don’t do well dealing with, uncertainty. I have tried to “control” it by feeding it with information, but someone suggested that I just acknowledge the fact that uncertainty to me sometimes brings anxiety,  and think about ways to satisfy that anxiety.  (Feeding it information is one of those ways of satisfying it.)  So now, the focus is on the word “satisfy” rather than “control”. It has a  much better connotation, don’t you agree?

Anyway, I’m sure I will have a lot more to write about next week after the Marathon on Monday, complete with pics of elite runners, I hope. (Did I mention that I live on the route?? It’s SO convenient!) Have a great weekend, everyone!