Comforting animals at the end: a plea for them

 

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Capturing Snuggles mid-shake, enjoying his walk in the cool mountain air

I would like to ask a favor of you, the reader.  As you read through this, if you feel like it’s touched you in some way, or you think that there is someone out there who can benefit from reading it, I would ask you to share it with them.  Thank you.

I came home from work yesterday and said to my roommate, “I need to go somewhere with Snuggles and feel the sun on my face.”  You see, right before I left work, some folks brought in their 14 year old dog to have her euthanized.  She was a total sweetheart, and I could tell that they loved her.  But when it came time to be with her at the end, they decided they couldn’t be there through the procedure with the doctor.

I brought treats into the visiting room for her, and she eagerly gobbled them up.  (Chicken and yogurt, in case you’re wondering.) When her parents left the room, she tried to scramble after them.  She thought she was leaving too.  But her arthritic legs wouldn’t let her move fast enough. It broke my heart.

I took her into the back to our treatment area, and offered her treats again.  She had no interest in them whatsoever.  She kept staring at the door toward where she had last seen her family.  Why weren’t they with her?  I could see the confusion in her eyes, and knew she was afraid.  I petted her all over her back and hair was just shedding off of her nonstop.  A coworker got her some water in case she was thirsty.  But no, her panting was stress panting.  I kept hugging her and kissing her head on the head.  It’s all I could do.

One of the nurses said it used to bother her when owners wouldn’t be there during the euthanasia procedure with their pets, but she’s gotten used to it.  Me, I NEVER want to get used to that.

I wished I could offer to take over her care and let her live just one day longer.  But I couldn’t, and maybe it was truly her time to cross over.

 

snuggles profile.jpgA few times, when we have not been busy out front at the desk, I’ve asked my coworkers to cover for me so that I can comfort an animal at the end.  I tried to do this for this pup, whispering to her, “it’s okay, it’s okay, shhh, shhh,” but the doctor was having problems with her veins, and finally the pup lost her patience and nipped at her.  So I had to leave as she was muzzled.  If she bit me, my doctor would get into trouble for it.  I’m a receptionist who loves animals, not a veterinary technician.

Imagine at the end of your life, you’re scared, you don’t know who any of these people are with you, but you see a white coat and it scares the crap out of you.  So you lash out and for that, you get a muzzle put on you.

I understand why they had to muzzle her.  I do.  The human part of me does, anyway.  But that inner child that has always felt like I sometimes understand animals better than I do humans — that part grieved for her.   I wanted to be with her, to tell her that she was loved, that she was going to be okay, and wouldn’t feel any more pain as she slowly fell into a very deep, never-ending sleep.

The vet that performed the procedure is amazing when it comes to her love of animals, and that is why she is my vet.  She’s been a vet for many, many years, and I’m sure it doesn’t get any easier.  I’m sure that’s part of why she tries so hard to heal them and keep them alive.

Here is my plea to animal parents out there.  I know it’s hard to say goodbye to your pet.  I know, believe me.  I’ve comforted so many of you in our visiting room as you make that difficult decision.  And each time, it touches another part of my heart.   To many of you, I know they are a member of your family.  Please think of how it would feel to you at the end of your life, to not have one familiar face around you.  You’re not sure why you’re being stuck with needles, and you’re confused.  No one can explain it to you in a language you understand.  Please rethink not being with them at the end.  Your pet has given so much love to you during their (comparatively) short stay here on this earth.  Think of this as your last gift that you can give to them, to be with them at the end.

And if you still cannot bring yourself to do it, then just know that there is at least one person who will love them and hug them and comfort them at the very end.  That person is me and the countless other “me’s” that just wear other faces. We will do the best we can for your baby, but just know it’s not the same as feeling the comforting hands and kisses and words from you, their parent.

Please know, I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty or sound like I am lecturing.  I am simply trying to give a voice to those who can’t speak in our language, but who definitely feel many of the same emotions as we do.

Please enjoy the pictures of my little Snuggles enjoying his “mommy and me” time as well as the beautiful flowers I saw the other day at the ABQ BioPark.   Take time out to savor the little things in life.

Thank you, as always, for reading.  And if you think there is someone out there who should read this, please do share it with them.  Thank you.

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Holidays can be tough

my christmas tree
my christmas tree

Luckily, this year won’t be as tough as it has been in the past. When I was first on my own a few years ago, I was terrified at the thought of spending Christmas alone in my apartment. I didn’t think I could bear the sadness and the feelings of guilt that I had created that sadness for myself by deciding to end my marriage. So, I went to my sister and her family and I had a really good time with people who love me and whom I love very much in return.

When deciding whether to come visit me or my brother for Christmas, my mom said “I just don’t want you to be alone for the holidays. As long as you have someone to be with….” and this year I do. My best friend is Jewish and her husband and I both really love the Fast and Furious movies. So, we are going to have a Fast and Furious Paul Walker Memorial Marathon. (And yes, I have agreed to watch even number 3, Tokyo Drift, although I thought it was awful and can’t believe it gets credit for being part of the series. It’s the only one in which Paul Walker does not appear, fyi.)

The holidays can be tough though, if you let them be. I won’t deny that I have had some feelings of wistfulness or nostalgia overcome me over the past few days, knowing that I was down south last year at this time, spending 10 days with the man I loved and meeting his family. That has replaced the feeling of loneliness I used to have, thinking of my ex-husband and how much he loved Christmas. So, that’s a good thing.

As I said to a friend yesterday, when those feelings about last year arise in me, I acknowledge them, and realize they are there for a reason. And then, I think to myself whether it will make me feel good to give into them, or if I can choose to press on forward. I have found that pressing on forward is the best choice, at least for me.  I feel like by acknowledging them, I am not repressing them, but just recognizing them for what they are. Feelings. Feelings that I can choose to let bring me down or wallow in, or feelings to acknowledge how my life has changed.  Guess those anti-depressants are working, huh? 🙂

I don’t mean to be taking any of this lightly. I know it’s more than the medication at work. It’s the hard work I have done on myself that allows me to handle things now. So, some days when I feel like my dream of being on the west coast, training and writing, and helping to save more animals somehow, all while living in my tiny house/RV/shipping container (I’m open to whatever it turns out to be) seems really far away, I try to acknowledge those feelings of hopelessness or sadness and work through them. I remind myself I have focus now, and a great group of friends who I trust will still be there for me when I move. And, there are a couple people out there on the west coast that I will be physically closer to, and with whom the bonds of friendship will be even stronger, I suspect.

When I start to feel sad about what I don’t have, I try to remind myself what I do have. I don’t have as much money saved as I wanted to by this time of year, but I do have more in past years. And I now have a really comfy new-to-me big chair on which I can sit and look out the window, or at all of my furbabies and my christmas tree all lit up. I have freelance work to keep me busy over my days off, family to go to on Christmas Eve, and a warm, comfy roof over my head. It’s a lot more than others have.

Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful holiday (or just day off, if you don’t celebrate it.) In that case, a belated happy thanksigivika to you!

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