Up until a few weeks ago, I thought one of my dreams was to move to a state in the south with a man I loved. We had just gone to Grand Cayman for a week while I was sent there for a conference for the first few days. Everything was great, or so I thought. I still look at this photo of our feet standing together in the sand, from time to time, as well as others that I have of him. I still feel sadness for what could have been, but I am learning to deal with it, cope, and move forward. If I don’t, I’ll just be stuck in place. And I don’t want to be stuck.
Before I decided to go public with this blog, I had written a few draft posts. My “About Me” page even mentioned how in love I was. I was willing to give up many of my dreams to help someone else fulfill theirs. I thought, that’s what you do when you love someone. And then, it ended, and I will not go into details here.
I’ve dealt with things since then by trying to focus on what little nagging thoughts might have been eating away at me when thinking of moving. Things like, I wanted a tiny house, and he didn’t. So now, it’s time to work on getting a tiny house for myself. (Right now, that means learning a lot about them, and saving money for one. Already set up the savings account.) Things like, I want to be a personal trainer and it didn’t seem like there was a huge market for that where I would have ultimately moved to. (Right now, I’m taking my second certification class, I’m already certified as Personal Trainer, although I don’t feel confident enough to actually do it.)
I haven’t had a choice in this but to move forward. I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past three years since my divorce. You can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do, or to feel something that they don’t. But you can certainly help yourself in the meantime.