Ugh. I don’t normally write on this topic and I don’t even know how to title this post so I’m just going to start writing and let it come to me. So, here it is – dating.
I have friends who are doing the online dating thing, and trying to meet people. They are of varying ages, so I can’t even pinpoint the problem to a certain age group. It just seems like there is so much trying out there, and so little success. I’m not sure if it’s the online part of it that makes people think “hey, I don’t need to try this out for more than one date because there are so many other fish out there in the sea, and it’s so much easier to meet them nowadays” or if it’s just that people nowadays have declined in quality so much. All I know is, it makes me really glad to not be part of it right now. (Please don’t misunderstand, I think my girlfriends that are doing the online dating are of high quality, it’s just the guys that they are meeting….ugh….good Lord!)
I’ve been asked by people if I want to date at this point. I mean, I’m relatively young, and I am often mistaken for being a lot younger than I am. I’m really not complaining about that! (A few years ago, I had to leave a 6 pack of beer behind at a package store when I couldn’t find my driver’s license. You can imagine the shit-eating grin on my face when I found the license and took it back, since I was 38 at that time!!) I’m in good shape for my age. Makes me wonder, am I wasting these prime years of my life when I still might have “it?” 🙂
But I don’t wonder about it for long. Because here’s the thing – I’m happy with my life the way it is. I am busy with work, both my full-time job and my freelance work, not to also count in the work that I hope to begin doing soon at my gym. My studying for various training programs and tests takes time, and taking care of my animals at home sometimes makes me feel a bit like a “mom”, lol. (A note to actual human parents out there, I know I have it comparatively easy!) I don’t feel that need in my life right now that I need some other person to make me feel completely happy. I mean, do I get lonely occasionally? Of course. I’m human. But am I am happy with my life the way it is? You bet I am.
I guess it’s just that – well, I feel like I was very lucky there for so many years. True, I’m divorced, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think my husband wasn’t a good person. He was, and he still is one, just not the one for me. And my ex-boyfriend–again, I think I was very lucky with him. It didn’t work out, but he was respectful, mature, good-looking, understanding, etc., anything I wanted in a person. The fact that we were long-distance allowed me to grow at my own pace and continue thinking about what I wanted in or out of life and with someone else. At the time, I didn’t want someone to be around all the time, and to have to check in with before making plans with friends, as in “honey, did we have something planned for that night? No..well, ok, I’ll tell so-and-so I can get together with her then at that XX time.” You know what I mean. I think what I’m trying to say is, I don’t think I should push my luck. With all the bad eggs/apples that some of my friends have been meeting lately, it’s just very discouraging.
Not to mention that I want to move in 2-3 years. It makes me wonder what is the point in starting something up, knowing that goal is out there and I don’t want to take a chance of being derailed from it. Because, you see, when I was with my ex-boyfriend, I realize now how willing I was to give up all my dreams to make his a reality. Because I thought being with him overrode all of those other dreams, or they would somehow just magically fall into place around his. (Insert fairy tale magic dust falling from the sky here like it does in cartoon versions of Cinderella….sigh.)
I figure, if all else fails, as a great male friend pointed out to me yesterday, I have a built-in litmus test. If I do get interested in someone, or they are interested in me, all I need to do is let them know (a) how many animals I have, and (b) the fact that I am 41, not 29 or whatever age they think I am. (A lot of my friends that I hang out with are in their late 20s or are just turning 30 so it’s a realistic assumption for people I meet that I might be around that same age.)If the guy is not mature enough to handle that I might be older than him, well, then, good-bye, there’s the door. And if they think I’m an animal activist fanatic, well, then again, there’s the door. By all means, don’t let it hit you on the way out.
I hope I don’t sound jaded, or that I am not becoming jaded. I guess I just no longer subscribe to the “plan” that is expected of all of us. So many people think or feel you need to be married by XX age, have a house by XX age, have kids by XX age. And it’s quite freeing to no longer feel bound to those rules. If I meet someone and it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. I’m not actively looking for it right now but am not turning a blind eye to the possibility of meeting someone either. I’m just going to continue living my life feeling gratitude for the days I have in front of me now, and the friends I have in my life who make me smile. And I’m going to continue feeling happy about knowing I am finally on the right path. For me. I don’t want to have a set image in my life of what makes me happy – that has yet to develop. And that’s exciting.
If this post has struck a chord with you, please let me know by commenting below. And thanks very much for reading. I just felt the need to write this post today. And now, I’ve got some animals to feed and have to get ready to go for a run by sunrise!