I’m almost there, I’m down to just 1/2 of a tiny pill, and soon I will be down to no anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication! It’s been five years since I got through the day without them. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous to see how things go once my body adjusts to even the dosage that I am on right now. You see, Prozac has a very long half life, of about 5 weeks. What that means is that if I were to stop taking it altogether today, some semblance of it would be in my system for another five weeks. So, even though I have been only taking 10 mg this week, my body still thinks that it has at least 20 mg in it, or one full pill.
If anyone you know takes anti-depressants and decides they want to go off of them, please please please be sure to ask them to do it with a doctor’s supervision. (As we all know, if you tell someone to do something, they are more likely to not do it, especially if it’s something that can be difficult.) They can’t just go off of it cold turkey, or many times they will experience side effects and some can be severe. I’ve known friends who told me that going off of of Zoloft cold turkey made them feel suicidal.
It’s been an interesting transition for the past 5 or 6 months since I started the weaning off process. Some days, I feel (irrationally?) sad, and wonder if it’s the decrease in dosage causing those feelings. Or, is it the fact that I moved cross country to a place where I knew no one? Is it the change in seasons or the multiple grey days that we have had (in the desert…. wtf??) Is it the oncoming holidays, knowing I won’t be with family this year because it’s too far and I don’t have a lot of time off to take from work? Or is it the adjustment of getting used to having pretty much no money again? (I’ve been feeling at times like I did when I was trying to get out of credit card debt. You know, those feelings you get when you realize that you have a whopping $53 to hold you over to pay day and realize that pay day is over a week away, still…but then you realize thankfully that you have a lot of food in the pantry that can get you through and it’s a relief.) Perhaps it’s one of those or all of those.
When I was on the medications, full dosage, I usually felt pretty confident about things. I didn’t feel blah like I did when the dosage was too high (seriously, I cared about nothing at that point), but just felt pretty good most of the time. I’m sure I had some self doubts at the time, but looking back I don’t feel like I did. However, I do remember wondering whether I would feel self confident again, without the aid of medications. I wondered if the self confidence was really in me, or was it just fabricated by the medicine.
So, if everything was so good, why even bother trying to wean off of the medicines, you might be wondering. Well, part of it was financial. I knew that my income in my new way of life would be markedly decreased, and I was very right on that, lol! I didn’t want to have to worry about getting so many prescriptions filled and how much it would cost to do so. I also hated taking so many pills every morning in addition to the vitamins I was already taking. (I’ve also cut down on those too and have tried to concentrate on getting my needed nutrients from actual food.) And finally, I wanted to know that all of the work I’ve done on myself for the past few years has really improved me. And I think it has.
I can do this. 🙂
As always, thank you for reading! And for those of you who have been there for me during this time, I can’t thank you enough.