Yes, I Can (fight my way out of depression). No More A Victim.

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First off, I am finding this break to be such a  blessing. It’s allowing me to get more in touch with myself and find out why I let some things bother me and the ways I’ve coped with them in the past, vs. ways I can cope with them in the future. It’s allowing me time away from a job that, quite honestly, I was feeling really burnt out on. I was finding myself falling into negativity pretty easily, letting the thoughts of others sometimes overcome my own and shape the way I looked at some things. I I hadn’t taken time off in a long time because I’m trying to save up as much vacation time as possible for later this summer. Needless to say, I’m hoping my attitude changes when I go back.

Still not allowed to run yet, so this morning, I listened to the Rich Roll Podcast while doing my three loops around the reservoir (for a bit over 4.7 miles in total!) (By the way, I just saw a few minutes ago that he interviewed Gene Baur of Farm Sanctuary!) He now has a book out called the Plant Power Way, which I plan on reading. Eight years ago, he was overweight and didn’t have much motivation or enthusiasm for life. Now he’s an elite ultra runner and athlete. So much of his change is due to a change in attitude and also his diet. His podcasts tend to run a bit long but I found the one from this morning really, really inspiring.

I’ve been talking with a friend lately about how I would like to wean myself off of my antidepressants, but that a part of me is scared. I’m worried about the withdrawal symptoms that can come with that. How will I know what is a withdrawal or discontinuance symptom and what is not? I’m very happy with my life right now and how I feel about myself for the most part, so a small part of me questions, is that really the true new me, or is the meds creating that feeling of goodness?

Here’s what hit me this morning. I think I’ve been allowing myself to think about the whole weaning off of antidepressants, in a victim type of way. In the past when I’ve tried to do so, I’ve really paid close attention to any supposed “withdrawal/discontinuance symptoms.” Maybe too close. Who says I have to be one of those folks who suffers from them? Not everyone does. Maybe it’s literally mind over matter that I need to use. Isn’t all of it or a large portion of how you heal from any illness or medical (or otherwise) problem how you face it? With a positive attitude?  I mean, I was able to give up coffee cold turkey and I always felt like that was a drug that I absolutely needed.  I was able to change to vegetarian overnight. And I was able to, once I finally put my mind to it, turn vegan, pretty quickly as well. (I was able to come home one night and just get rid of all of my clothes that included wool without a second thought.)  So why not this, as well?  I definitely didn’t think I would be up to walking almost five miles at a pop after just two and a half weeks after major abdominal surgery! 

When I was walking this morning, this hit me like a lightning bolt. I found myself smiling at a lot of people (some were returned, others not), and i found myself feeling as excited as the day when I decided to go vegan. I’ll be honest, though, it’s excitement mixed with fear. But if there’s one thing I have learned over the past few years, it’s that I need to push myself beyond my comfort zone if I’m going to continue growing. If I just settle for what feels safe, I’ll look back at my life (much) later on and wonder where it all went. I’m not willing to do that. Not anymore. And that is totally within my power.

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6 thoughts on “Yes, I Can (fight my way out of depression). No More A Victim.

  1. I love your fighting spirit Terri.

    You are so right! It’s a fact, you can get through this season. We need your voice of inspiration. It’s never easy…but continue to fight. You have places to go on your journey.

    It’s why this blog was created: “Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.” Langston Hughes

    You can do this!

    • Kelvin, I can see how inspiring you must be in your sermons that you give – I feel inspired to get out and LET’s DO THIS! just reading your comment. And I also like how you refer to it as a “season.” I think you’re right. It’s a season of my life. Just like the horrible winter we had in Boston, it can go away. Imagine how proud I could make myself and my therapist if by the time the end of summer came and I was no longer taking any meds. I originally wrote this post thinking I could cut down on the wellbutrin, but now I’m wondering if I could also wean off of the prozac too. 🙂

  2. I want to know how this goes. I totally support you on this but, having been down this road, I know how hard it can be. You can do this but please ask for help when you need it. I want this to work for you and then I’ll do it. (Totally selfish support here :))

    • Thanks, Willie, I know you had some rough times there in the past – a little bit of time before my tough times started, if I remember correctly. I am definitely going to ask for help, and I this blog will be one of the ways I get support.

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