That one word sums it up. How I felt last night. How I feel when I am at work these days. How I feel when I’m home in the evenings and take little Osito for a walk down past the RV park near me and we check out all the big fancy motorhome rigs that have set up camp for the night. How I feel when I sit outside of my RV and just have a good book to read, and I marvel at the wonderful, fall-ish, dry air of the southwest. How I feel when I see a rainbow so often these days. It’s just amazing.
There were definitely days over the past year or two when I thought this time would never come, and when I thought I would never figure out exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I just knew that what I was doing at the time was not it. My good friends would listen to me tell them about my newest idea, or newest place I wanted to move. They never laughed at me, but would chuckle with me as I said, “ok, so here’s what I am thinking this week.” I just always had that date of Aug. 2015 in my mind and knew it would come to me by then. Every change in thought brought me closer to where I needed to be in the grand scheme of things. My life is much simpler now, and I’m so grateful for that.
I remember the days when I would have to listen to people throwing all those questions/roadblocks in my way, saying, why would you want to give up everything you have to go and scoop animal poop all day long? There were days when people would send me job descriptions for jobs similar to what I had but in different locations. As if the change in location was all that I needed. It was definitely a test of patience, and I had to remind myself that people were projecting their own fears onto me. I always needed to remember the source of the concern. Their fears, and their love for me. It wasn’t a criticism of me.
I’m doing the online dating thing now. Some might find it weird that I signed up for it so quickly after having moved here, but I purposely didn’t date for the last few years because I didn’t want any person to distract me from my goals. I didn’t want to take the chance that someone might want me to change my mind and stay put, in Boston. Because I knew in my heart, staying put was not an option. I’m hoping it works out, but if it doesn’t, I’m also ok with that too. At least I will know I’ve tried. And if I meet cool people along the way, and maybe make some friends out of it as well, then it will be one more positive experience for me. The thing is, I’m not looking for someone to complete me or fill a hole in me or feel like I’m lacking or deficient being by myself. And that’s how I know I’m ready. I’m happy with me.
I hope you have enjoyed the pictures. Not sure why they all loaded into my page the way they did, all together, but anyway, there you go! If you ever have a chance to get out to the southwest, do it!! Your stress level will go down remarkably. I promise you. (And a PS to those of you who know I have been weaning myself off of Prozac now for the past few months. I’m down to half the dosage I was on for several years. I’m doing it, and feel great. It’s just a matter of time until I’ve got it completely cleared out of my system. I’m no longer afraid of the “what ifs” that held me back from doing this before. If you’re new to the blog, you can read more about that here.)
As always, thanks for reading, and if you have enjoyed this post, please hit like or subscribe or leave me a comment below. I love to hear from you (seriously.)
4 thoughts on “Happy”
I’m so glad that I found your blog from comment over at Becky’s IO blog. Just starting catching up on your journey and where you are today. So glad you are feeling happy and doing better. I’m in my mid 40’s and all the things that were to make me happy just are not cutting it. You are a great inspiration and looking forward to following along.
Take care, those are some great pictures which made me happy today 🙂
Tina, thank you so much for reading and for also commenting! (I love Becky’s blog, btw. I find her to be so inspiring to me. Seriously, I watched a video she had on youtube so many times, just to hear her say “what are you waiting for? go for it!” so many times…. I’m so glad the pics made you happy. I don’t know where you live, but wow, it is gorgeous out in the southwest. You have so many wide open vistas. It’s so easy to “just breathe.” And I totally get you on what was supposed to make you happy not doing it. Follow your heart, that is my advice. It won’t steer you wrong. It’s not always easy and I have now gone outside my comfort zone so many times, but it feels really good to be doing so. With each time, I feel a bit stronger than the last.
Glad you’re happy out there. Are you handling the heat well? I know I can’t and thats why I’m not touring the SW until Oct/Nov =)
You still haven’t shown the rv nor your new wheels! Chop chop…
LOL. I put pics of the rv and the new wheels on facebook, Ramen! Actually, yes, I’m getting used to the heat. It’s really not that bad because of the lack of humidity. I know they always say “but it’s a dry heat” but in this case, it really does make a difference to me. And right now, the temps in the am are in the low 50s, (heaven!) and they don’t get past the 80s most days in the afternoon.