When I look back to my life almost 5 years ago, what I see in myself makes me sad. I was sleep walking through life. The only time I think I felt alive is when I was running. And that’s because I was running from a lot of problems, or maybe the better word to use is doubts. Doubts about myself. Doubts about my marriage. About whether or not I wanted to have kids. About whether what I had then was all that there is to be in life. Read more
Some days, I just get the urge to write. Like today. Yesterday, I felt the inspiration to get rid of crap in my apartment. So today, I thought I might share with you some of the videos, stories, etc., that inspire me, and hopefully you can take away at least one good thing from this post. And if you like this type of post, let me know. Maybe it’ll become a regular thing? 🙂
I don’t have TV so I only catch up on TV shows on netflix or the internet. I do watch a lot of youtube videos, though, because I feel like I can always learn from other people, whether it be in terms of my attitude, or skills such as fixing the chain on my bike), how to eat better, or how to save money and be better disciplined while doing it. The ways to learn are just endless. And of course, there are the cute animal videos that we all like to see. (If you don’t, well, personally, you might want to go to the doctor because it’s quite possible “you’re dead inside.” LOL)
This morning when I got up and was puttering around the apartment, I went to my Favorites list on youtube, and started listening to some of them and really thinking about why they inspire me. I’ve listed a few below.
Minimalists: Living with Less (from The Feed channel)Â
Exploring Alternatives: Going against the Grain Can Be Hard. They also have a blog you can see here. They are a young married couple that have a van all set up to live in full time. They are super down to earth, and the first time I saw this video, I really needed that encouragement. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DncQjWz_RM
Carrie LeighAnna, What I Eat and How I Meal Plan. She used to overeat, and I have found myself doing that over the past year. No more! Â She has inspired me to eat better.Â
Becky Schade, who writes the blog Interstellar Orchard. This video really hit home for me. She realized something was wrong in her life and did something about it. And now, she’s written a book which launches in just two days!! Â
A friend of mine posted the following story on Facebook earlier today: The Radioactive Man Who Returned to Fukushima to Feed the Animals that Everyone Else Left Behind. How amazing is he?
And sometimes the inspiration comes from an image a friend sends to me:
I hope that these inspire you today – please share your thoughts about what inspires you in the comments below, and thanks for reading!
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A friend wrote to me last evening, as I was writing up this post: “Your life path seems so logical to anyone who knows you and has seen your progression but sounds like such a jolt to anyone who doesn’t!” I was like, “are you sitting right next to me, invisible, right now??”
As I take more steps to making such big changes in my life, it’s natural for those around me to worry. It’s natural for them to ask questions to make sure I’ve thought all the scenarios through. And it’s natural for those questions to get into my psyche sometimes and make me doubt myself.
Here’s the thing. I can’t let fear run my life. I can’t let the fear of the unknown run my life. And to be perfectly frank, I feel like that’s how i have lived most of my life up until now. When in high school, I followed the assumed path “well of course you’re going to college.” Â I had one parent (Dad) who had gone to college and then pursued a masters degree while working, and another parent (Mom) who had not gone beyond high school. Dad was the breadwinner (until the time that it became my mom when they divorced, along with child support and alimony from my dad.) My idea of someone being successful had been a person who wears a suit to work (or at the very least a shirt and tie) and who made a good salary. You went to work at 9, did your thing, came home at night. Get up the following morning and repeat, until the weekend comes.
So I went to college. First the plan was to get a business degree. Then I realized (after struggling through statistics as a freshman) “well, that sucks, I hate math…” and decided to switch majors to one I did like — English. Not exactly the moneymaker, no. So the logical path seemed to be “be a teacher or go to law school.” So on to law school, I did. I pushed back the feelings of “maybe this isn’t right for me,” because I had already sunk a lot of time, effort, and not to mention, CASH, by the time the end of my first year rolled around. Sure, maybe it wasn’t really feeling like something I loved, but what kind of job could I get with an English degree and just one year of law school under my belt?
So, on to the safe route AGAIN. I feel like that’s what my life has been, one safe option after another. So when people bring up the “What ifs?” (which I know they do out of concern and love), it can sometimes really stress me out. And at times, it has, interrupting my sleep or my eating. A good friend asked me yesterday “What if your pets get sick? What if you fall and break your leg? What if you can’t find a job?” But I think I have gotten to the point now where when people raise these questions, I don’t see them as a reflection on or criticism of me for making potentially wrong choices. I know they just want to make sure I have thought everything through. And I know that some of these questions are being projected out of their own fears for themselves.Â
I have thought a lot of things through. I have played all those negative scenario “what ifs?” through my mind. But I have also come to the conclusion that if I wait to have it all figured out before I make these big changes, I might as well never even try to chase my simple dreams. And they really are “simple” in so many ways. A tiny house with just the right amount of room for what I love and that doesn’t take forever to clean. A life with lots of pets and unconditional love around me. Â A job that leaves me feeling fulfilled. (Believe me, I know there will definitely be some days when I will question myself and my choices when working with animals. People are cruel and do mean and stupid things where animals are concerned.)
As I have said to some friends, I cannot sit and just not do anything to change my circumstances. Â If I were to do that, I might as well shut up and go home. The thought of doing that — of not moving forward, even in small steps, depresses the hell out of me. I have to take a leap of faith in myself. Not everything in life can be completely planned out. I know that when push comes to shove, I will make things happen.
So, am I afraid? Of course I am. I’m human. I appreciate the care and concern of those around me. But I just refuse to let them keep me frozen in place and ignore what my heart tells me it really wants me to do. No more. And every time I pick up my baby girl Osito (if you’re not familiar with her, there are tons of pics of her on this blog), I know in my heart I’m following the right path. Animals – helping animals that is, is where it’s at. It’s where I need to go, and need to be.
If you have liked this post, please hit like or subscribe or drop me a line below. How do you get past fear?
Sitting here on a Sunday night as I start to write this post. Looking around me and seeing all of my animals dozing or just about there…the bed was just freshly made with laundered sheets and two fleece blankets, so you know what kind of a magnet that’s gonna be this evening for all of the felines! (Well, and this human and of course, the dog.)
It just makes me feel content, moments like this. The heat is running (of course, it is Boston on Feb. 1st, after all, and we are expecting ….wait for it…., more snow!!!) YAYYY (yes folks, you’re not imaging it…that is sarcasm you are hearing as you read this post to yourself.)
But really, it does. I feel content because I know I’m settled in for the night, and don’t have to go out in the cold. (Gotta love having a dog that is trained to use pee pads and who hates the cold, too.) Well, at least I don’t have to go out until the morning anyway, since it’s unlikely my workplace will close.
Earlier today, as is my normal Sunday routine, I got up early, had my two cups of coffee and got ready to go to the shelter to take care of some animals. I was delighted to see that they had another goat that wasn’t there last week! Even the skiddish goats who came in a few weeks ago as emaciated strays seemed a bit more acclimated to us today. And at the end of my shift there, I spent some time with Fancy the horse, and Ross, the pony, outside. Ross can be a bit, how shall we say, overzealous, when food is in front of him, so it was hard holding the last carrot out of his reach so Fancy could eat it. He is such a cutie – he kept backing up or sidling up next to me to be petted and scratched, and then at one point, he got down onto the ground and rolled over on his back and kicked his legs up in the air. It made me so happy to see him so happy (and relieved from his itchy back, I’m sure.)
I have come to realize that whenever I am at the shelter with those animals, I laugh. I talk to them just like I would my pets at home, always in a calming voice, and the horse and pony make me laugh. There are five goats there now, including a mama and baby girl, and the baby girl is such a nut – she has taken to jumping into the wheelbarrow while we are cleaning out her pen. Both myself and  the other volunteer this morning thought it looked super cute, but we still both shook our heads like “girlll….you are weird!!” Only for these animals would I get up so early on a Sunday and actually look forward to cleaning up after them.
Other things I love? Spending time with good friends, having a good conversation and four forks to eat a piece of chocolate cake. That’s how I spent my evening last night. It was very needed – with the weather and my starting school two weeks ago, I found myself in a very down mood toward the end of the week. Seeing my best friend and two others definitely helped lift me out of a funk. And hearing that my best friend is still feeling amazing as she reaches week 17 of her pregnancy, that is just awesome in my book. She will find out what she is having in two weeks – my guess is it’s a girl. Don’t know why, but I just do. She is blond haired and blue eyed, and her husband is from the Bahamas, so you all know just how beautiful that baby will be. (I gotta admit, girls are so much more to buy stuff for, what with all the pink clothes and stuff, but …ok, I digress.)
Did I already mention chocolate? (Yeah, there was that bit above about the chocolate cake.) I could go on and on forever about how much I love chocolate, but I’ll stop now so I can shove a few chocolate chips into my mouth…ok, I’m back!
I am sorry for not having blogged the past few weeks but I just started school and am settling into a rhythm of handling that and working full-time. I have to admit, I am enjoying learning again. And I started auditing an animal law class last week at work – it’s so cool to be in a room with so many others that feel the same way about animals you do, and are passionate about it.
Oh, and one last thing I love? Knowing that this is my LAST winter in the northeast. The location where I am looking to move hardly ever gets snow and as of last week, while we expected a blizzard, its weather forecast was for highs in the 50s. Enough said. I’m going, baby!
What  kinds of things do you love – what warms your heart and makes you laugh as if you don’t have a care in the world? Please drop me a line below and let me know!
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Part of my inspiration for today’s post:Â
Instead of my usual thankful post to end the week, I wanted to share some information about some decisions I’ve made about my life. Whereas before I was changing my mind almost week to week, this one has stuck, and when I see videos like this, it hits me in the gut that the decision I’m making now is the right one and probably one which I’ve been drawn to my whole life, but didn’t know how to properly act on.
In case you’re a recent reader, I’ll recap briefly. A few years ago, I thought, well, since I’m so interested in fitness, why not get certified to be a professional trainer? (This idea was prompted in part by many of my friends and coworkers saying to me, “you know, you should be a trainer!”) So I took two certification tests, and also took a few specialization tests, so I could work with a few different “populations” and I got a job at a fitness club so I could see what that life is like from the other side. I really kept telling myself that that was what I meant to do, even as I started to question things as I was studying for the second (and very difficult) certification test. And it started to nag at me that I wouldn’t be able to be outside more if I became a trainer, and of all the hours I would need to spend away from my animals. Then, I thought of living in an RV and doing the travel and workamping thing to support myself, but I realized that lifestyle might not be best for my animals, and also, it would likely not end up costing me less than living in a stationary place. That, and I do like some stability in my life. (This is not to say that I won’t ever end up full time RVing, just not right now.)
Then, I thought “well, maybe I should do some sort of survival program, or even go into organic farming.” Notice, both of those kinds of paths would keep me outdoors a lot. So that seemed to be a theme. I also found that I was happiest when around my pets. Yes, it’s the unconditional love thing at work, I am sure. But it’s also that animals don’t play politics, so we understand each other just fine. Because that’s one thing I just don’t do. Play politics and say yes until I feel like a bobblehead that’s been broken. It’s just not me and I will never apologize for it.
Then there is that punched-in-the-gut feeling I get whenever I read about animals being neglected or abused, or treated like they are just a thing without feelings or souls. Â It makes me ashamed for not doing more to help them on a day to day basis. So, I’ve decided I am going to go back to school for an associates degree of applied science with a concentration in veterinary technology. My plan is to go through the formal application process over the next few months with Colby Community College, based out of Kansas. Yes, they are accredited by the AVMA, or I wouldn’t even consider the program. They have been quite responsive to my questions so far. They have just recently been accredited so I am sure they want to really get the word out.
I might be thought insane to do this at age 42, and I do know now that a lot of the job is learned on-the-job but I’ve always felt better also having the book knowledge behind me. Plus, while the program I will be going to will be a distance-based program, there are lots of requirements that will have me learning on the job. An externship/internship will be required, and I’m hoping that the fact that I am going to school for it will help me find a job working for a vet in a new location. And when there is time, I also want to be more involved in animals’ rights issues.
So, since I have been out of school for a while and I didn’t have the foresight as a teenager to take more AP classes than I did, I have a lot of prerequisites to catch up on, like Biology and Chemistry, etc. I will be taking three classes in the spring semester while working, and three over the summer as well. There is also a 1-credit class called Intro to Vet Technology that I have to take, so I’m hoping to squeeze that in by August. This schedule may seem a bit aggressive, or insane, to some, but when you finally figure out what your heart desires or what you really want to do with your life, you want that life to start NOW. Â There is also the incentive to start now and take as many classes as I can because my employer will pay 75% of the tuition up to 10 credits taken per semester, even if the classes are not related to my current position. This, and the fact that I will be auditing the Animal Law class in the spring means it’s going to be animals, animals, and more animals for me this coming year!!
Just an aside – do you know how weird it felt to call up my high school last week and ask for my high school transcript? Talk about transported back into the past! Seeing those classes and grades listed again, there are no words….
By the way, I usually don’t get into politics on this blog, but I just have to say, this speech did bring some tears to my eyes and a big shit-eating grin to my face last night. Whatever you think of her, Elizabeth Warren is someone who is not afraid to call Bullshit when she sees it. She is my new role model. I’m hoping her husband’s door is open on Monday morning when I go into work so that I can say a personal thank you for her bravery for naming names and taking numbers. She might be one of the most hated women in certain circles, but what’s that saying? Quiet women never changed history. Â And with that, I wish you a good weekend!
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Please note, as you read this post, I don’t have medical training of any kind and depression is a very individual thing. What I’m writing below is just my own personal thoughts and experiences. If you think you are suffering from depression or anxiety, please see a doctor.
If I’ve never said this before, I’ll say it now. If you’ve never suffered from depression, I hope and pray that you never will. It’s not always obvious if someone is suffering from it. They don’t want around with a big huge D on their foreheads like in that book, The Scarlet Letter. You might think the person is being lazy, and the reality is that they can’t motivate themselves to get out of bed in the morning, or if they do, they feel like they are in a fog and just going through the motions.  You might think that they are just a negative person, when the reality is that their brain just won’t allow them to see any light in any circumstance. They might be using all of their energy just to get through the day. Or just through the next half hour. Read more
There, I’ve said it. I’m a 42 year old woman who wears hot pink and is super proud of it. I don’t care what others think. And it’s so liberating!!
I was thinking about this this morning as I waited for the bus (after yesterday’s miserable bike rides back and forth to both jobs during the pouring rain, I decided to not ride in today with the temps in the 30s and the winds in the 20-30 mph range.) I got this jacket last week for $20 at a consignment shop when I was home with my mom in upstate NY.  Some might think I got it for the name on it (Calvin Klein) but really, I could care less. I would never pay for the name on anything!  I just knew I needed a warmer jacket than what I already had, and that it needed to not be made of animal products, and that would last me for this one winter season. Let me make that, my LAST winter season in the northeast! 🙂  And this jacket fit the bill. Made of all synthetic materials, will keep me warm (until it gets EXTREMELY cold and then I have another jacket I bought (with tags on) for $30.  I know it would have cost me about $200-300 if I bought it brand new. Score!
Seriously, how many people do you see walking around in warm winter coats that are all black? If I were to look and take a tally while on the bus, or on the T, I’m sure about 80% of the people would be in black. How depressing is that? And, more importantly, why?? Why all dress the same? Why all follow the same path in life? Go to work (which you may or may not like, most probably would say “not”), come home, eat, watch TV, sleep, get up, eat, and work out or get ready for work, and then commute to work. Repeat, more times in your life than is healthy.
You know what? When I look at that jacket, it makes me smile. It helps me to realize how far I’ve come and especially in the last year or two in growing and becoming more aware of what inspires me, motivates me, and makes me tick.
You know what? When I look at all of my five cats and my dog resting contentedly in my apartment, I smile. A lot of people would term me a Crazy Cat Lady because of how many I have. But I don’t care. They make me happy.
You know what? My ex boyfriend broke up with me for a few reasons, one being the different way we viewed animals. (He hunts, and thinks it’s ok to have a working dog like a hound stay outside all the time — luckily, for the dog he has now, he lives much further south.) Whereas at one point, I took his breaking up with me as a negative judgment on how I live my life and what I choose to care for and consider important, I now feel gratitude that that comment made me really take a hard look at my life. It made me realize you have to know what you feel in your heart is right. You need to know what touches you and gets you really fired up and makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.
What got me out of bed this morning was knowing that this afternoon I was going to be able to volunteer and learn about livestock animals. I met a horse, several chickens, a pig, and some goats and sheep. Â I learned how to put the halter on the horse, how to lead it and also petted her quite a bit. She is about 15.2 hands tall, dark brown all over, and just has the most gorgeous brown eyes, and her name is Fancy.
One of the sheep came up to me and clearly wanted to be friends, as she let me pet her! Some of the goats in that paddock are very shy so it’s going to be my goal to get them to be more comfortable around humans. I figure, I can bring a warm thermos of something to drink and possibly a good book, and if I stand still long enough, they will become curious about me. If I can show them I’m not going to hurt them…they say that animals react to the energy you put out, so hopefully my energy will be one of calm and love and acceptance. Yes, even while cleaning up after them (READ: ahem, picking up poop, lol.)
I also heard from my local vet’s office last week about my inquiry into volunteering with them. They asked for my resume and availability, so I sent the resume off to them yesterday. Cross your fingers! They are part of the VCA animal hospital network, so I am hoping to see how a private vet office operates from an insider’s perspective, rather than as the person paying the vet bill. 🙂
One of my friends commented on my last post that I should do what makes me happy because people are going to judge me nonetheless, and that’s what I’m doing. And that is what I am hoping I can encourage all of you to do, if you haven’t begun doing so already!
Anyway, I just wanted to share how happy I felt this afternoon as I stood outside in the freezing cold but learned about something I think I am going to love doing.
As always, if you have liked this post, please hit like or subscribe! And stay tuned because I have some ideas for changes to the blog, in what I hope will be helpful (or at least entertaining) to many of you out there.
I came to a few realizations last night and I went to bed angry. Fighting mad angry. But in a good way. I owe a lot of this to my friend Dan, who answered a text message of mine that said “Do you think I’m stupid for wanting to leave a good paying job to do something that will pay so much less?”
The reason I asked this question is because I see so many people struggling just to get by and I feel like I should just be thankful for whatever opportunity is thrown my way. For example, there are the cleaners/housekeeping folks at my gym – all three of them work two jobs. None of them have English as their native language, which definitely hurts their job prospects. Â I know for a fact that one of them works seven days a week, and that a second one was until he finally had his daughter talk to me to write a note to the manager stating that he would like to take Fridays off since he was working seven days a week. (He and I are slowly teaching each other some words in Spanish and English.)
In response to these concerns, my friend Dan told me, among other things, “you can still be thankful and desire to live a Purpose Driven Life.”  He also said something that struck home: “No one says on their death bed, ‘Thank God I paid off that student loan.'” Finally, “It (my student loan debt) runs your life in that it makes your decisions for you.”
So now, I’m going to do what he suggested: “Find a balance between the obligation you owe the debt and the bigger obligation you owe yourself.”
I looked at my loan details last night for my Big Daddy loan. I started paying (or shall we say, deferring and forbearing) back in 1997. Now that I have been paying interest-only payments on it for the last two years (as part of a graduated repayment plan), just to keep it from growing, I see that the final repayment date is in 2034 and another in 2035 (Big Daddy consists of two consolidated loans – one is unsubsidized federal money and the other is subsidized.)
In case you’re wondering what the difference is between a subsidized loan and an unsubsidized one–well, the difference is when who pays the interest that is accruing during terms when you are not in repayment, such as when you have taken a deferment. Deferments can be for a number of reasons but the most common ones are that you are currently in school or you are going through some sort of economic hardship. With a subsidized loan, the federal government pays the interest coming due. With unsubsidized ones, that interest just keeps on accruing and accruing and accruing and at the end of your deferment or forbearment period, all that unpaid interest gets thrown on the top of the loan, essentially making your principal balance, upon which more interest accrues, even larger than when you started. Do you see why this can get overwhelming to think about? I had loans that were unsubsidized during my first year of law school. You’re encouraged to not work during your first year of law school for  a lot of reasons. So even by the time I graduated my principal balances had already grown by a whopping lot.
My Big Daddy loan actually consists of two loans – out of $75K, one has a principal balance right now of $44K.  So that puts the other one around $31K.  Here’s the funny thing – that loan that now has $44K to its  name – when I consolidated that loan back in 2001, guess what the principal balance was at that time? Yeah….it was about $41K.  All these years, I have paid at the very least $538/month, and for many years, while I was married, I even paid extra principal to it every month. Sometimes, about $700/month, on the combined Big Daddy loan.  So, how, you ask, is that balance even higher? If you take an average of $6000 paid every year and you multiply that by 13, how much do you get?? Hmmm. 78K.  And yet the balance of Big Daddy these days is still over $75K.
So here’s what I decided the other night – I’m going to switch careers to something that I find much more fulfilling, and if I pay less money per month to my student loans, so be it. I want to have a life where I feel like what I am doing every day is more in tune with my heart. And for me, that means working with animals.
Beginning this week, I am going to begin volunteering with the Animal Rescue League of Boston and work with their livestock animals. Right now, that means goats, sheep, a horse, and some chickens. I heard back from my local vet who asked me to send a resume or CV and let them know the hours during which I could volunteer, so I would be able to get experience working in a private vet office with small animals. I want to try to expose myself to as many different types of animals and types of organizations so I can see what best fits with me and my personality, etc.
I already know the average salary for vet assistants is something like $22K-30K. This is about what I live on right now, but I currently pay extra money to my student loans and paying the higher amounts on my loans. With a lower salary, I will be eligible for different types of repayment plans, and one can lower your payments to about 10-15% of your salary. So yes, it moves the final payoff date out that much further into the future, but life is short.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a slacker. i do want to pay back my debts. I do. I just think that with all the money I have paid this government over the years, the government can continue to wait for the 2x and 3X the principal amounts I will end up paying back. I could walk outside today or tomorrow and get hit by a car or something worse. I could be like Brittany Maynard who was 29 and found out she had an aggressive form of brain cancer. I’m not trying to be melodramatic or anything. I just have decided to not let these loans run my life anymore. I’m going to start living my life for me. And for the animals.
So this is the new plan. I’m going to pay off the private student loan which is sitting around $13,500 right now. That one, I don’t have tons of options about. But the federal ones…I’ll deal with them, probably for the rest of my life, but at least it’ll be a life that I feel good about at the end of every day. I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given in this world, and every time I go to a talk at my school about animal rights, I get this strong feeling in my stomach that I NEED to do something to help them. And with my background, I can. I want to work with the animals in a hands-on way, but if there’s a way I can also be involved in using my education or my social or personal skills to their advantage, well, I plan on doing it. I’m open to the opportunities.
I’m home with my mom this weekend to celebrate an early Thanksgiving. I hope you will all have a great weekend. If you’ve liked this post, please hit like or subscribe, or drop me a line below.
I get daily emails from a website called Mind, Body, Green. The most recent email I received had this in the subject line “7 Signs You’re Living with Purpose.” I was so glad to read through it and see that, hey, a lot of that fits me in my life right now!
The first sign mentioned is you’re scared. Um, yeah, that would sum me up as I start thinking and planning toward my life changes of next year. When I would sit and think about taking my life on the road, I would become terrified of all the unknowns that would possibly happen to me. All the things that could go wrong. All the times I would get  lost. But as the article says, if you’re afraid, then you’re growing. And I know that as I keep questioning all of my ideas and feel that bit of fear on a daily basis, thinking of leaving all the security I have right now, I am fearful but I’m growing in that I’m becoming more self aware every day. And I see that as a gift.
The second sign is that your friend circle is changing. Â I would say that is also the case for me. I’ve added a few new friends, especially in the online world. People with whom my life would otherwise most likely never have crossed. They’ve given me such great advice and friendship.
The third sign is opportunity seemingly comes out of nowhere. Wow. Earlier today, I was at work at at the gym. Â One new member with whom I instantly felt comfortable as I gave her a tour of the place, stopped by to chat for a few moments and lo and behold, she’s a vet tech with the same animal hospital where I have begun taking my oldest cat, Bonkers, since this past June. Needless to say, a great conversation ensued and I let her know I had called the vet’s office last week to inquire about volunteering with them or shadowing some of their vet techs as this is a career I’m seriously looking into right now. I asked her for her email in case I had questions and she readily wrote it down. You never know who you’re going to meet, right?
The fourth sign is that the puzzle starts to make sense. Things that you’ve done or events that have happened, or people that you seem to have met or experienced, seemingly random, now make sense. This one I’m still working on.
The fifth sign is that you rely heavily on intuition.  This one, I totally agree with. At one point, I thought I would buy a motorhome for the ease of always having my home with me and my animals with me at all times. I then thought, well, how will I get around when not driving it? I came up with the idea of getting a scooter – it seemed to make total sense. 90 miles to the gallon. Much less maintenance than a car. So I went through with the motorcycle driving school and got myself a motorcycle license. I thought a scooter would be much easier to ride than a regular motorcycle. Turns out my gut was screaming “no, no, no, no, no!!” Every time I got on that thing, I felt this sense of foreboding, like it might be my last time.
One night, after practicing on very quiet side streets, I literally felt myself having trouble breathing and just about in tears. I felt the same sense of anxiety that I had felt when I first decided to leave my marriage. All the same doubts about myself. Â That might sound melodramatic. Maybe it was a small panic attack. But this time, I listened to it. I know I’m going to lose money on this deal when I ultimately sell it (please God, let someone buy this pretty much new scooter in the spring!!)
The sixth sign is that you experience joyful exhaustion. Â Some people think I’m crazy to be working two jobs right now since I make decent money at my full time one. In fact, they really thought I was crazy when I was also doing the freelance research on the book, as that was pretty much a third job. Yes, it was very exhausting and still is some days. I don’t always want to be spending an 8 hour day at the gym, folding mountains of laundered towels, and picking up dirty towels out of the bins. I didn’t always want to be opening the gym twice a week in September, at 5:30 a.m. But I also had this feeling that it was all going to be worth it in the end. It will be worth it when I get to work at a job that, while it will pay much less, will be much more fulfilling to me.
The seventh sign is that you feel light.  To quote the article “In your quiet moments, the times between actions, you have a lightness of being. You’re not burdened with existential anxiety. You may be preoccupied with how you’re going to achieve your dreams, but you’re not obsessively trying to figure out what they are. . . . Purpose may expand and evolve or completely change during a lifetime. As a result, these signs may make several reappearances.”  Oh wow. Does this describe me or what?? I can imagine at least a few of you out there laughing your ass off, out loud, reading this quote. I am definitely preoccupied (or healthily obsessed, one might say) with how I’m going to achieve my dreams of living a simple life with meaning and be able to make a difference in the lives of, or take care of animals.  And yes, your purpose can definitely change from time to time.
There are definitely times in my life when I feel light. There are times when I feel content, such as during those times that I find myself reading a good book in the quiet of my place, and I take a look around me at all of my sleeping animals, knowing they feel safe and secure enough to relax and let their guards down. And that’s when I know that each of the steps I’ve taken over the past few years to getting to where I am now, mentally and physically, are part of that ever expanding and evolving purpose.
What do you think about these signs? Do you agree with the Mind, Body, Green article? Â Are there other signs that you think show you’re living your life with purpose? If so, what are they?
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Editor’s note, written a few hours after the post was first published:
I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor’s office to see how I’m doing and feeling with cutting my Wellbutrin dosage in half. I’m happy to say, I’m doing pretty well, I think. And having cut out the Singulaire I take for my allergies-induced asthma, I’m breathing really well and clearly. Even ran outside yesterday and didn’t experience any wheezing afterward, like I used to do.  There is a medical student working there now, and she is from Seattle. She told me I can definitely can get work out in that area, and that yes, it really is possible to find a place to live there for about $700. She said things are definitely cheaper out there, and after having talked to her, I’m so jazzed, and leaning toward the PNW again. But I know, I need to keep an open mind and think everything through.
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So, one thing I have learned over the past year or so is that I change my mind. Sometimes a lot. Enough that I am now somewhat making fun of myself when I tell my friends what my “newest” plan for next year is. I go from wanting an RV, to just having a tiny apartment, to wanting an RV, to wanting a tiny apartment or small place to rent. And well, after I put my post up about so many RVs to choose from, I spent a good week or so watching my animals, and I mean really watching them. Watching how they interacted with each other, when they seemed to be the most content, and how far apart from each other they might be at that time. And I realized a small travel trailer just isn’t going to be enough room for them. Not if I don’t want them to be in a constant state of stress, and if I don’t care to alleviate that, it makes me quite selfish and a horrible fur mom. Â Two things I never want to be.
I’ve changed my mind about what I want to do with my life a few times – for about two years, Â I thought I wanted to be a personal trainer. Enough so that I took two certification tests (the second being known for being extremely hard.) Â However, I have realized that while I do like working out, and occasionally helping out friends, I don’t think the lifestyle is for me. It would have me inside all the time (or a majority of the time) and it can get kind of boring to do just do one-on-one training all the time. I see that in the face of my gym’s trainer. Â (He’s a great trainer, don’t get me wrong, but I can imagine it gets boring to work with the same types of problems day after day.) Plus, I find it hard to justify spending the money myself for the sessions (and I get them at a discount) when I’m trying to save money and pay off debt. So how could I then be asking people to pay for my services?
I was interested in going to an outdoor awareness school at one point (in the PNW) but then, of course, reality started to set in. The program was $10K or so, and involved a few trips that would require me to leave the animals for at least a week or more. That, and while I love the outdoors, I really do like some creature comforts, like, a warm bed. One that doesn’t involve sleeping on the ground, constantly worrying about bugs crawling over me as I try to fall asleep. You get the picture. So that idea went out the window, but the one thing behind it stayed the same – I love to be outdoors, and it would be awesome to live in a place that values the outdoor lifestyle. And if I could find a place to work where I could be outside, or teaching others about nature, so much the better.
So my thought is now to work with animals. That’s always been part of my plan – to do more to help them, but now I want to make it part of my future career, to the extent I can. I have been researching into what it takes to be a veterinary technician, if I need to have an associates degree, etc. I’ve been looking into the various AVMA accredited programs and their locations, cost of living, etc. Still have a lot of research to do on that, but hey, it’s what I do! Â If I do go that route, I want to cash flow it as much as possible and would plan on applying for as many scholarships as I am able to do. Â And I hope that I can start to volunteer at either a vet’s office or clinic or even work with the livestock that the Animal Rescue League of Boston have at their Dedham location, so I can see what it might be like to work as a large-animal vet tech.
I’ve thought about living in the southwest, like NM, and the Pacific Northwest, and just last week, Colorado. What do they all have in common? Yep, the weather is better than in the northeast, and they all value outdoor lifestyles. Â The weather is certainly different in all three places. But one thing I have held fast to, and even more so, as we have just changed our clocks back to not be on daylight savings, and as I saw *snow* flurrying this past Sunday along with 40 mph wind gusts, is I’m DONE with the New England weather and winters. DONE. When I rode my bike to work that morning (it’s either that or walk since the buses don’t run early enough), it was sleeting outside. It hurt my face, not to mention the wind was out of this world, making me very glad my bike has a motor and is a bit on the heavy side. And I thought to myself, yep, I am DONE with this weather. It’s way too early for this crap.
So, here are my priorities:
So, these are my priorities, and while I may change my mind about what I will ultimately end up doing, and where I may be, from time to time, I’m holding fast to them. If anyone knows of any places that fit the bill, I’m all ears, so please drop me a line or comment below.
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Oh, and just one more pic of Baby O below because she is always just too cute for words, and really makes everyone smile when they see her on our walks.
Chasing Simple Dreams 