Why I Keep On Keeping On: Life is Just Too Short

A friend of mine posted a video on Facebook earlier today and it just reaffirmed my decision to keep taking steps every day toward realizing my dream. Even if some days it’s just a small step, it still counts. Because some days, you take huge steps. Like this past Monday, when I went to five different RV dealers so I could take a look at a variety of travel trailers. Some conventional, some expandable. I’ll explain what conclusions those visits helped me come to in a later post, but first, I want to share this video with you:

Woman with Terminal Brain Cancer Decides to End Her Life Nov. 1  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0eVum0weKg

When I hear stories like this, and think of how many more years I have been fortunate to live than someone like this woman, it makes me feel a few different emotions: gratitude (there but for the grace of God, go I); sympathy for this woman and her family; regret at having wasted so many years of my life living the way I thought I *should* live it, thinking that the only measure of success in this world was to achieve the conventional ideas of what is a successful life. You know, being married, having a house, a good paying and stable job, etc.

“Seize the Day. What’s Important to You? What Do You Care About? What Matters? Forget the Rest.”

These are all statements made by Brittany Maynard toward the end of this video.  Think about them, and I mean, really think about them. And then, do something about them.

I spent so many years of my life just *thinking* about what I might want to do, but that’s all I ever did was think about my dreams. Didn’t take any action beyond the dreaming part. I kept myself in debt. Kept trying to ignore that little nudge my insides would give me when I felt like something was missing, but was too afraid to really figure out what that was.  What I knew was safe, and safe was supposed to be ok. It was supposed to be enough. And a few years ago, it just wasn’t.

A few years ago, I was terrified I couldn’t make a go of things on my own. But I did. I have been terrified to make mistakes in the past, and let myself stay rooted in place. Toward the end of this summer, as you know, I bought a scooter. It was a mistake, and one that really stressed me out there for a few weeks and I felt a lot of self-loathing for having been so stupid. And then I realized I was beating myself up for being human. I made a mistake. I could keep beating myself up about it, or I could learn from it, and try to move forward. (And hope that I can sell it in the spring when people are more likely to buy one.)

Life is too short to keep beating yourself up. So, don’t do it. Life is too short for fear to be given the power to hold you in one place. So don’t let it. Life is too short to keep caring what other people think about you and let their opinions form the way you life your life. So stop caring.  Life is too short to waste it by doing things you don’t want to do. So stop doing them. Start doing what you want to do. Start doing what you love. Start doing what makes you happy.  

When you’re outside and see something beautiful, really take it in. Really absorb it and see how it makes your heart feel. How it expands. How it makes you feel at peace. That’s what I do when I hear the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees. That’s what I do when I see the waves the wind causes on the reservoir while out walking with Osito.  It’s why I get such a huge smile on my face when I see my 13 year old, blind dog start running on our walk, with no fear whatsoever.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to look at freelance jobs for research and writing. Because they are two things I’m good at, and want to be able to do next year when I’m living on the road. And to read a book that has really sucked me in, because it’s something I love to do. Read, and expand my mind.  Reading takes me into another world. It’s something I would like to do for others.  And I write this blog now because it’s something  I love to do. Writing is cathartic to me. It helps me to say things I might not otherwise be able to express. And to connect with others, hopefully.

Thank you so much for reading. Please leave me a comment below if you have any thoughts on the topic, or hit like or subscribe.

 

I want to do this..wait, no, that…wait, no this!!! (Decisions, decisions)

photo (32)

When you tell someone you have this dream of living in an RV, you usually get a few of the expected responses. Some are afraid for you, because, as you already know, you’re a single person. How will you support yourself? How will you stay safe? How will you drive it? You’re a little person after all!  Even last week, a friend of mine said “why can’t you just move into an apartment somewhere new? You won’t have a guy with you.” I was like “um, you’re telling ME that I won’t be with a guy, and that’s why I should be worried….” Of course this friend of mine , who I love dearly, watches a lot of true crime shows. As a single person, more specifically, a woman, I don’t need to remind myself of all the sickness in the world. All I can do is prepare myself as best as I can for whatever each day throws at me.  And well, my friend must have momentarily forgotten that I can be like the Tasmanian Devil as one of my friends nicknamed me. But in a good way (of course.)

Others are very excited for you, and some are even wistful, maybe wishing that they could do the same, or at least experience some of that feeling of freedom from the drudgery of the routine of day to day life. Now, before you think I have gone off into la-la land and think it’s going to be all roses and petunias, trust me, I don’t. I know there are going to be problems along the way. I know there will be times when I worry about money (ok, I already do that….), and repairs, etc. But I also know I can’t wait forever. I guess it’s kind of like what they say about having kids – if you wait until you are ready and have enough money, it’ll never happen.

So, I keep reading RV blogs and RV forums, etc., and watching YouTube videos of people living in their RVs, trying to learn as much as I can. I’ve subscribed to the Dreamers portion of the Workampernews.com website so I can learn as much as possible about that way of life and see if it’s viable for me. I like the idea of being able to work some place seasonally, see the region and learn different skills that I won’t get by sitting in an office every day. But at the same time, the idea of not necessarily being in one place all year round is a bit scary. Will I be lonely? Will I be able to secure enough work for myself far enough in advance and even more important, will it pay enough to allow me to pay for my expenses?

I know that I would like to be able to either work outdoors or work in an area that is beautiful and has places I can escape to on my time off. I know I want to be more connected to the natural world than I am now. So, I think about going to school for something like that, but then I hear from others that it is more important, sometimes, to get on the job training rather than learning a lot from books. And a big part of me agrees with that. And what if I spend all this money on more schooling and don’t end up making any more in some job than someone who didn’t spend all those bucks?

I have been thinking of attending an outdoor school but the price tag is a bit scary at $10,350. That’s about 2/3 of the balance of the LAL loan I’ve been fighting so hard to get rid of. (Oh, and drum roll please, with my most recent payment, the balance should be BELOW $15K!!!!!!!!!!)  I cannot tell you how much I want and NEED that loan to be gone by the time I go on the road. It will make such a huge difference, and be a great weight off of my shoulders. To have part of my law school education paid off, FINALLY.  It’s a loan I thought I would have until I turned 54. Can you imagine? Yes, it is like a freaking mortgage, but let’s not get me started going down that lane.

I do have a concern about getting work – when I tried to get out of the legal law firm world many years ago, I faced so much hesitation on the part of employers. After all, I had this law degree….why would I ever not want to do something in that world? Wasn’t it such a glamorous life?? (Um, in a word, NOOOOOO). And not all lawyers get paid the big bucks like everyone thinks.   But that fear is again creeping up – I am worried that people will think I wouldn’t possibly take a job that pays less than $15 an hour, or who knows, even less… (Many workamping positions don’t pay highly because they are something akin to entry level positions.)  But can I be honest? It would be REALLY nice to leave my work at work, both mentally and physically, for a change. And if I could spend some of my time living in a gorgeous area of the country, say, the Olympic Peninsula, or the Grand Canyon, well, trust me, I can find stuff to do that’s not going to cost me anything, or very little.

So, as you can see, I feel like I am all over the place. I like the NW but wonder what kind of seasonal jobs there would be to had, if I went that route? And what happens if I start having to pay more on my federal loans? How will I afford them? What about the fact that I will be taxed at a higher bracket for 2015 than I will in 2016, but not making the same type of wage I am now making in 2014? (My thought on that is to save extra for the tax bill while I am working in my full time and part time jobs so that I don’t get stuck when filing my 2015 taxes.)  So, yes…I am a planner. But from what I am reading online, that’s a trait that will help me when my home becomes an RV.

By chance, I came across an interview on youtube the other day of this blogger, at Interstellar Orchard and I’ve been reading through many of her posts, because it seems like every question I might come up with, she has had to deal with. She makes it on seasonal employment but she didn’t start out with the debt that I have. But I know she knows of others who have. I just like her very pragmatic approach to tackling problems and the type of lifestyle she is  leading. And she seems very down to earth. If you are even considering this lifestyle, I suggest you head on over to her blog and check it out.

Anyway, this post has already grown much longer than I expected it to, so thanks for listening/reading if you’ve made it this far.

 

No Marathon for Me: giving up on one dream to focus on the others

At times when I think about this, I feel like a quitter. But that’s the emotional side of me. The rational side knows better. The rational side knows that my body just can’t handle it. This is not a cop-out, but a realization of the facts. Read more

I must have lost my mind somewhere….

Because no blog post is complete without a photo of one of my cute animals, here you go – it’s little Osito in a summer dress!!

Yes, I am that person who dresses their dog in a dress.
Yes, I am that person who dresses their dog in a dress.

 

Drum roll please….. I’m going to train for my SECOND MARATHON!!! That’s right, only 6 short years (note sarcasm) after the first one, I’m going to do this to myself again. You all know I live in Boston, and well, it’s a crazy-for-running town. Seeing my friend Lisa and so many others finish it this year and the FIRST AMERICAN in about 30 years finish first in the men’s race was just so inspiring. Read more

Getting Rid of My Debt, Part 15 (Gaining Some Perspective on Looking Forward by Looking Back)

Yesterday, I had a few good talks with people whose opinion I trust. One is a friend who has known me for about 10 years now, and she’s always been one to tell me straight on things. She doesn’t sugar coat things, and that’s one thing I really like about her. I asked her if I was thinking about things in the wrong order – looking online at RVs and tiny houses, trying to figure out where to live, etc., without finding a job in those locations first. She thinks I’m narrowing my options down too early and also, most importantly, that she didn’t want me to give up on my dreams of a tiny house, or as she put it “half ass my goals.” And I respect her for that. She fears that RVs just are not meant for longevity, living-wise.

Then I talked to my financial adviser tonight.  I really looked forward to this meeting – what a change from a few years ago when I used to be depressed at my situation.

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Opening Our Eyes: Change-Makers in this World

don't just think about making changeI was able to see a movie last week which was $7.99 to download but which I found to be priceless. It’s called Opening Our Eyes and it’s about change-makers.  Change-makers are ordinary people like you and me that are making a change in this world. This film has changed the way I think about why I’m here on this earth. I definitely WANT to make a change in this world. I don’t want to just simply occupy space here, you know?  (By the way, if you want to see an interview with the mother and daughter team who created the film, see the Good Life Project here.)

Addendum as of 3/12/14 – the price of the download has gone down to $6.99!

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I’m Fine, Thanks

The title of this post is also the title of a movie that I just downloaded and watched earlier today, for the small sum of $5.  It was $5 so well spent. Here’s the link that you want to click on for sure:  I’m Fine, Thanks.

It’s a movie about people who have realized that maybe what most people think is the American dream really isn’t their dream. Some of them had already attained the things you’re supposed to want and work to get. Some had a nice house or condo, a good salary that they brought home, but a job which gave them no sense of fulfillment.  One woman, Victoria, breaks down in tears talking about how she made the choice to go to law school and how sometimes you make a decision and then other decisions get made, sometimes by your choice and sometimes just as inevitable result.  God, I really identified with her.

One man in the movie talks about how he had a really good corporate consulting career. It was a job that he said many of his friends would kill for. Unfortunately for him, he needed to drink coffee all day long. Then, he finally turned to Red Bull.  And that was literally just to get through the day.  That’s not healthy.

One of the persons that they interviewed is Jonathan Fields of the Good Life Project. He was a lawyer that worked so much in his first career that he literally ended up with a hole in his gut (abscess on his intestines.)  If you haven’t checked out his website, you should. He posts so many good videos and they are all so inspiring, even when the story that’s being told is one of great sadness at times.

I should say that the movie came about because the narrator realized that he had wanted to make movies and act as a child, but as he got older, he realized that wasn’t safe.   He finally got to the point in life where he had the beautiful wife, two kids and house in the suburbs.   All that stuff we are supposed to want, and should feel happy having. But he didn’t. He said he felt like he was living his life through someone else’s script.  How many of us have felt like that? But then felt too afraid to do something about it??  He did it – for three months, he traveled over 10,000 miles with some friends who helped with the production in many ways, and they put the movie together. And it’s great. I think it can even be life-changing.

Please PLEASE go watch this movie – you can download it and watch it over and over again on all of your devices.  And please know, I am not being paid anything or being compensated in any way to say these things about the movie. I’m telling you about it because I sense a lot of us out there wish our life was different but we just don’t do anything about it. And this blog is about changing that, or at the very least, my changing that where I’m concerned.

And after having seen this movie and being so inspired to write about it, I’m going to find more movies like it that I can watch and then tell you about.  Sound good??

Until tomorrow’s post…….

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Follow your heart, people.

Maybe…just maybe…yes

Resilience

I saw a friend’s resume the other day and was really impressed. She is a writer in the tried and true sense of the word. She has her MFA in creative writing and has been published many, many times. I asked her how she got so many pieces published and said how I would feel so afraid of rejection. She acknowledged she has been rejected many times, but it just fuels her to keep going. This person has gone through a lot in life so I was really inspired to hear her say that. And it got me thinking…

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Sorting it all out

Looking up at the clouds through the trees
Looking up at the clouds through the trees

Maybe it’s the stress of the craziness of the fall semester weighing down on me, but I feel like my mind is all a jumble some days. So, I’m writing this post today in the hopes that it will help me to sort things out. The more I write or blog, the more I want to do of the same. That’s a good thing in my mind. Read more