Lot Going On…

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Taken during my off-roading adventure yesterday, something I won’t ever forget.

Sorry it’s been a few weeks since I last updated everyone as to what is going on. It’s been a busy few weeks, and I have been working a fair amount of hours, only to grow larger, I suspect, over the summer. That’s ok, because any overtime I make will be going to pay off debt and save up cash for the leaner times.  Also, the way the internet works out here is not so reliable. For me to even be typing this, I have my chromebook tethered via USB to my phone and am using my cellular data. To get satellite internet at my apartment was going to be a huge hassle and a half, involving drilling through the roof (don’t even get me started) and quite expensive. I have decided to just buy more data for my phone if the need arises.

So…ok, where do I start?!

So, you might be wondering – did I sell the RV? Yes!!! I sold it to someone who used to work at the resort where I currently work. He was so happy when he drove away with it. I’ve moved into an apartment and there was a bit of a hassle over the furballs. That’s all I can really write about it publicly, but suffice it to say, it was stressful.  Then about a week and a half ago, when I went to a neighbor’s to hang out, I left my door closed (or so I thought) but unlocked. I came home a few hours later to find my door standing open, and Max and HoneyBun had flown the coop. We get high winds here sometimes, and the wind had blown the door open.  To say I was panicked is an understatement!

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HoneyBun, exhausted after her second escape to the outside world. Never letting that little one out of my sight again!

Max was returned to me the next night, but HoneyBun was on the lam for almost a week until I was able to catch her in a trap that a friend loaned me. She has since made a break for it once, and now I’m even more paranoid of opening the door and OCD-ish when making sure the door is locked every time I step foot outside of the apartment, even if it’s to sit on my own patio. I’ve ordered a flexi-gate to put near the door to act as another barrier – it should arrive in a few days.

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This photo epitomizes the sweetness of Bonkers, how he used to curl his paws when he slept, and how sweet and big his heart was. In his sleep, he kept moving closer and closer to Osito until they were touching. ❤ Bonkers. RIP.

I have some sad news, and it relates to my oldest cat, Bonkers. On the day after Max and HoneyBun escaped, I left work early to come home and search for them. Bonkers was having issues pooping, as he has had over the past year or so (he has dealt with constipation issues, an irregular colon, kidney failure and a heart murmur.) I called the local vet immediately, who was triple-booked, but they urged me that if I could bring him down within the hour, I might be able to get him seen.

Well, a few weeks before this episode, I ended up having to drive 150 miles one way to the town of St. George, in Utah, to help Bonkers out with another pooping issue that required sedation. At that time, because of his heart murmur and other health issues, the doc had wanted to do some blood work before putting him under sedation. His blood work came back and showed high calcium levels, which I learned usually means cancer. However, they couldn’t see a tumor at the time.

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After only one day of being on the run, Max seemed very happy to be at home and has stuck close by my side ever since. This photo was taken the day after he was returned (a helpful neighbor called me when Max found his way into their courtyard.)

Fast forward to the day that I took him to the local vet, who felt around his bum area and noticed it felt quite hard. He felt his colon and said that the lactulose which I had been giving him religiously was doing its job and his stool was soft as it should be. But he had a tumor growing near that area which was making his “exit” hole that much smaller, and therefore harder for him to defecate. The doc said that with anal gland tumors, they usually grow fast and are very malignant. If I wanted to consult with a specialist, he predicted it would mean a large medical bill, surgery, chemo, and in the end, a totally incontinent cat of 15 years. It was clear Bonkers didn’t feel well that am, and I had noticed he had not been eating as much the past few weeks, nor was he sitting still for his subcutaneous fluids like he used to.  So, I decided to do what was best for Bonkers, and he crossed over the rainbow bridge on April 15th.

Now that Max and HoneyBun have been safely returned to me, I feel like I can finally properly mourn Bonkers. I’ve arranged for him to be individually cremated, and I plan on donating all of his unused medicines to the local vet. The local vet said that while he can’t re-sell the meds himself, he can offer them to an owner who might come in in the future with a pet needing such expensive meds but can’t afford them. (I was able to buy them all at cost from the animal clinic with my former employer.)

I’ve been working as a supervisor of the resort’s campground, but have recently acknowledged what my physiological system has been telling me, and which I suspected was the case – I don’t like being The Boss, and dealing with all those stresses being The Boss entails. So I have asked to be moved to the role of Team Lead. I will still do a lot of what I am doing now – dealing with campers/customers, but not with all of the stresses of having to discipline employees, etc.  So right now I’m in a transition period where we are hiring lots of new employees for the summer, and working with my (temporary) replacement in the supervisory role. And yes, there have been some rough patches. Nothing is ever easy. I wish it was, but lately, that just doesn’t appear to be the case where my life is concerned.

I do like living in the apartment. I love taking long hot showers, and being able to even turn around in my bathroom! I love being able to do a load of laundry while I sleep at night. I love living close enough to work so that I can drive home the 2-3 miles at lunch and visit my furballs. I love living so close to Lone Rock that I can even see it from the front patio of my apartment. I love the fact that in April, just yesterday, I was in a tshirt and shorts and sitting at the beach, even if only for a short while after I volunteered at the local animal shelter. And yes, I have loved taking some of their energetic doggies for walks.

I am having a problem setting into a routine, however. I’ve not worked out in weeks now (shock, gasp!) because getting to work by 7 or 7:15 in the am already requires me to get up pretty early and after being on my feet all day, I just don’t feel like going for a run. And I’ve not been writing (obviously, as you’ve seen from the lack of posts on the blog). Until a few weeks ago, I’ll be quite honest. I was so stressed out of my mind on a daily basis from one thing or another that it was all I could do to get msyelf to eat an entire bagel for breakfast without feeling like I wanted to puke. That’s how I get affected by stress.

But lately, my stress level has been coming down somewhat, and I’m working on getting my positive attitude back on a more regular basis. I’m feeling like I can eat food again.  i did lose some much needed weight during those stress-filled weeks, so that was actually a good thing, in retrospect. And, I learned some valuable information about myself, so that was also good.

Well, this has been a rambling catch-up post, and I hope some of you are still out there, interested to read it. Please drop me a line or comment below if you like. I promise to write more now that I am slowly getting established. And I want to write more fiction as well. The book dream has not left me – it just got misplaced during the move and the following stress.

Selling the RV, moving into a studio

IMAG0566.jpgSome of you may be disappointed upon reading my blog title, but yes, it’s true. I am selling the RV and moving into a studio. I feel in my heart it’s the right thing to do. It’s one less stress on my mind at a time when I’ve felt a whole lot of stress and overwhelmed-ness. I move in on April 1st, and will have the assistance of a friend to move my large cat tree and a recliner chair, plus the table and chairs he has offered to give me for free.

The studio is furnished and comes with basic cable and internet. I’m responsible for the electric, but the place is only 499 sq feet so I don’t think it will cost too, too much, to heat or cool. At least it will be better insulated than my RV was this past summer and winter. That should help. All the appliances in the building are electric – I’m finding that to be the case a lot in the southwest, or the heat is by propane in some places. (It’s a weirdness to get used to after having been in the northeast where houses or buildings were sometimes heated by oil or natural gas. Rarely did I hear about a house being heated by propane.)  I am going to like being surrounded again by four walls of a permanent nature, rather than living in a structure that was only built to be lived in for three seasons of the year. And also, it comes with a washer and dyer and a NORMAL shower. Or, should I say, a NORMAL-SIZED shower?

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This is from a hike known as the Toadstools. It’s located a bit less than halfway between Lake Powell and Kanab, UT. (If I can, I’ll write up a separate blog post about this hike at a later date.)

So. Now, I get to sell the RV. A few people have asked about it in the employee housing area where I am, and have offered to make some payments on it. I am very leery of doing something like that as it makes me a defacto landlord, and that’s just another stress I don’t want on my head. Plus, I have a loan on the RV and because of that, I carry more insurance on it. I don’t want to be liable for anything that happens with it. My other option is do it as a consignment sale with the dealer from whom I originally bought it.  I am a bit worried about not being able to sell it for what I still owe on the loan, but I have resigned myself to possibly losing money on it and just doing the best I can to minimize the chance of that happening.

 

I have made it through the first few days without the girl who had been training me, on site. There were only two of us all day on Monday,  and we were hopping, especially in the afternoon at rush time. We had problems getting the door closed and were there past closing by about a half hour. But we did the best we could. I guess that’s all we can ask.

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This was from my Toadstools hike. At one point, I just sat and tried to listen to the sounds of nature and forget about everything else going on in my life.

I’ve been having issues controlling my anxiety lately, and it is quite possible it’s all situational. But I decided to take Prozac again, just the very smallest dosage of 20 mg. I started a few days ago and it does seem to be helping me to focus.  I need to find a local doctor to discuss it with, and it’s my plan to find one as soon as I have medical insurance again, sometime in April. I found myself feeling many moments of panic over the past few weeks, much more than I ever remember experiencing in the past several years. I also had crying jags that have made me very uncomfortable.  (Not sure if “jags” is a real word, but hey, it is now.) And just all around feeling like shit about myself, indulging in negative self-talk. I started to let it get out of control, which was really bad.

 

I know that it sounds like I have been see sawing back and forth on the decision whether to take Prozac or not, and I admit, I have. Part of me has wanted to just be free of all medicine for two reasons. I’ve wanted to see what I am like when not taking medication for anything. And a small part has not wanted to have to deal with doctors or paying for the medicines on a long term basis. I now understand those commercials that show people choosing to either pay for their medicines or put food on the table. (It’s not that dire, but when you were living as close to the line as I was when in Utah, it totally hits home.)  But as a very wise friend or two, or three (ok, many) have told me, it’s important to gauge what  and how I am feeling, and to listen to my body and what it is telling me.

While my financial situation has improved, having the studio is not cheap in an area known for having lots and lots of tourists. I will still have to mind my income and not be spending all crazy in one direction or another. I still have items I need to save for, and the RV will need to be paid off entirely. I want to pay off my car this year if at all possible. It would be awesome to no longer have a car payment. But I’m getting ahead of myself and that is a blog post for another day.

Thank you, as always for reading, and for be patient with long stretches in between blog posts. It’s just been a lot to take in these past few weeks and sometimes, I just want to sit and relax either on my couch or with Baby O on my lap at the beach. I believe this last bit is what they call self-care. It’s something none of us should ever neglect. It might not be the same as a physical activity like running, but it’s a way to relax. I’ll still run whenever I can, but working 10-11 hour days will also take a lot out of me too, and I need to remember that too.

If you have any words of wisdom or thoughts on all this craziness that is my life, please feel free to share. Just be nice, and try to not be too disappointed in that I am giving up the RV life. This is just the right thing for me to do. I need to have four permanent walls around me again, to be happy. And yes, it means I am setting up roots in the Lake Powell area for at least a year.

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A pic of Baby O, to reward you for having read this far. And really, what is a blog post without a picture of some sort of furry cuteness?

 

 

 

 

 

My Next RV

What?? You’re getting an RV?? But, but, but…..you just got yours last summer!!

Ok, so I am teasing a bit by the headline. But seriously, I am already thinking of what I want in my next RV, just a few short months after I bought mine this past July and moved into it in August.

What I Like About My RV:

  1. Cozy feeling of my bedroom.
  2. Easiness of heating my bedroom with  one small space heater.
  3. Enough room for me and all my animals.
  4. Closet that has a little hiding spot for my Callie to do her “observing from above.”
  5. Tall ceilings in the living portion.
  6. Dinette table that serves me in multiple ways – it’s an office and a dinner/breakfast table.

What I Don’t Like About My RV:

  1. It’s too big.
  2. Costs too much to heat. (See #1)
  3. Costs too much to cool.  (See #1)
  4. Can’t tow it without a huge ass, honkin’ truck, as its dry weight is over 8600 pounds. (See #1)
  5. Bed is too soft and tends to hurt my back unless I put a pillow under my knees when I sleep.
  6. Smallness of my shower (hey, I get in and do my business and get out. It works.)
  7. Tall ceilings in living portion (see #2 and #3)

What I Want:

  1. Something much smaller.
  2. Something much lighter.
  3. A motorhome? A travel trailer?? I can’t decide!
  4. A teardrop! (I know, I know, pretty unrealistic given my number of pets.)

What I Need: 

  1. Something that can cozily fit me, four cats and my tiny Osito.
  2. A toilet. (Because honestly, if I’m at a campground, and don’t have a shower, I’m fine with using the campground showers. Doesn’t bother me to shower away from home.)
  3. Something that will get decent gas mileage, whether it be by my driving it itself or by being towed behind something.
  4. Something in decent shape that won’t need a lot of repairs. (I’m not a super handy girl.)
  5. Something that won’t cost a lot of money as I will likely have to sell my RV on consignment if I can’t sell it on my own.

Yep, my needs are few, honestly. At least I think they are. I’m obsessed with fiberglass trailers as well as Class Bs, and I do like the little a-liners (because of the fuel thing) but am open to hearing people’s suggestions and thoughts. I’ve joined a lot of facebook groups so I can learn about the pros and cons of many. I just love dreaming of what can and will come next. Because I can say one thing,  I don’t plan on being someplace cold again next winter. (More info on my plans to come later. They’re still being formulated in my little ‘ole mind.)

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