the view from Scout’s Lookout on the Angel’s Landing Trail at Zion
I was going to write a post about living in an RV, but then I thought I would write about why I like living small instead because I think a lot of these ideas or reasons can easily be applied to both. I’ll write a separate post about living in an RV later.
Contained. This is the sense I get – everything I have is easily contained. This doesn’t mean that necessarily everything is in its proper place at all times, but it does mean that everything can be contained within a small structure (small in the sense of relative to the average size house in this world. My RV is 30.5 feet long.) When I start to feel the urge to buy things to make it feel more like “home” I am reminded of the space allotment I have, and that’s usually enough to have my brain switch to “no thanks.”
Neatness. It is really forcing me to be neater than I have ever been before in my life. Maybe it’s also because I do a lot of cleaning up after animals at my job as well, but there is nothing worse than coming into a small space and seeing crap strewn all over the place. Even if it’s the crap you really love and value. When my place is neat, I feel like I can breathe much easier.
Makes me feel financially safer. I’m now paying about 25% of what my old rent used to be, back in Boston. I was paying for room that I didn’t need. Because of this, I get excited thinking about how fast I can pay off the RV I currently have, so that I can work on saving money so that I can pay for something smaller, with cash. And how I can fit all of my pets and myself in something much smaller, comfortably. Yes, it would make sense to do something like a Class B, but those can be very expensive unless it’s a lot on the older side, and in that case, I would worry about it breaking down a lot. Guess I should set myself up for an auto mechanic’s course….
Makes me prioritize what I really love and do not love. I’ve been looking at my closet and thinking that even though I downsized it to get to here, it needs to be downsized even more. I have heard of folks who live in RVs who get rid of anything that they have not used in one month, and if I follow that rule, there are definitely things that I can say good bye to, however, with the change in seasons, I am not as sure.
Makes me want to go even smaller. The funny thing about downsizing is that now I want to go even smaller. I see lots of Casitas and small travel trailers now, as well as teardrops, in this part of the country, and I look at them wistfully, and think what if I could get all of my possessions into something that small? Wouldn’t that be great??
Less motivation to buy stuff. Because it’s small(er) than my old apartment, the motivation to buy stuff just isn’t there. If I do buy anything, I then have to bring it home and find a place for it, and that can get kind of tiring. Better to not have to worry about it in the first place.
Makes me want to get out and experience the outdoors. Or maybe that’s just the location. Either way, I prefer to not sit inside all the time! (The above picture is proof.)
Have any of you downsized recently or want to downsize your living quarters, and how has it gone, or why do you want to downsize? Please drop me a line below! (And as always, if you’ve liked the post, please hit like or subscribe or share it, and thanks for reading!)
Had one of those days where you can’t stop smiling?
Zion National Park, before the storm.
Been so happy you find yourself hugging your knees to your chest, and thinking, now THIS….this is what life is all about?
Been so excited to accomplish so many things and dreams and goals that you don’t know where to even start, or which to focus on first?
Found yourself looking at such gorgeous scenery around you and wondering how it is you are so lucky to be able to experience it?
Had so many ideas flowing from your brain you wonder how to go about writing them all down without missing one?
Wanted to share every beautiful image you’ve come across in one day with another or others, but been afraid to overwhelm them?
Been so thankful to be alive?
View of the incoming storm from the Lower Pool, of the Emerald Pools Trail at Zion National Park.
Please drop me a comment below and let me and other readers know! Thank you for reading, as always! Hope you enjoy the pictures, all taken with my phone at Zion National Park!
Lone Rock Beach at Lake Powell – this place is one I will return to again, and again, and again.
First off, I would like to thank everyone for reading my blog. This week has seen the most views of it since I started it two years ago. Not sure why, but I’m so glad people are reading and seem to be enjoying it. Thank you so much.
On the 11th, it’ll be one month since I pulled into my RV spot. One month since I could stop the cycle of loading all my furballs into the car every morning, praying the hotel clerk wouldn’t see that I had five carriers loaded into my small car! One month since I didn’t have to get up and just drive, drive, drive, every single day.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, sorry, I just had to yell that. I’m back now. And calm. 🙂 And I do remember what happened 14 years ago on this date. How could any of us forget?
Lone Rock Beach at sunset. Every minute, the view changes – it’s wonderful and enchanting.
Over the past month, I’ve had issues with the RV (don’t you love getting to know your neighbors because you’re apologizing for sewage coming out of your abode onto their property? Yeah…….) (In my defense, the folks who transported my trailer put the sewer hose into the wrong place.) The second day, I was just getting out of the shower when I heard a knock on my door. The owner of the park had stopped by to see about my sewage problem from the day before, and realized i was spewing my grey water all over the neighbors (yep, same ones), but again, in my defense, there was a Y connector that my neighbors had set up, and something was worn out. Oh, and the fourth night I was there (a Friday night, of course), I locked myself out of the RV. With the spare keys inside……yeah……. so that involved me and a neighbor trying to break into the RV, finding out that was useless from many different aspects (windows, the skylight over the bathroom, etc.), before I finally called a locksmith. She swore up and down it would have cost a couple hundred dollars, but in reality, it cost only $45. Needless to say, I made copies of my keys and hid them outside the next day. And one day, a few fellow campers heard my AC unit making a horrible racket and one also works for my organization. She called HR and asked them to contact me, as she knew it would be a very hot day and I had animals inside the RV. (That was the day I went to the Grand Canyon, actually.)
That was my welcome to rv living, or RV Living 101 class, you could say. By the way, to those of you who are RVers, I watch youtube videos, etc., but are there good websites to learn about RV maintenance in general? As in checklists of what to check for and do before winter hits, etc.?
Taken from inside Lower Antelope Canyon, outside of Page, AZ (close to Lake Powell).
I’ve also gone to numerous national parks – the $80 it costs to get an annual pass pays for itself. Each visit to a national park on its own would cost at least $25-30. I’ve been to Bryce National Park (twice), Grand Canyon North Rim (second time in 13 years), Zion National Park, Arches National Park (last night of my cross country trip), and Lake Powell (twice). It’s hard to pick a favorite among them, honestly. They are all so different and beautiful in their own right. Lake Powell was the most recent, and it was the only time I have heard honest-to-goodness waves crashing against the shore in over a month, so I think that might be edging itself out there in front for that reason.
Another shot of Lower Antelope Canyon. The light changes constantly, and is amazing. It’s on Navajo Tribal Land, so all tours are guided.
I’m in the middle of my fourth week at the new job. I feel like I’m establishing a new routine, both at work and in my personal life. I’ve carved out time in my day (very early in the a.m.) to get to the gym, and have started taking my chromebook to the sanctuary so I can work on things over my lunch break (including blog posts!) My “weekend” days are not on the actual weekend which is good and bad. When you’re trying to meet people, it can be hard when your only days off are the ones when they are at the office or their job. But if there is one thing I’ve learned over the past two years, it’s to not be complacent. So I put myself out there, and try to meet others. And in my days off, I’m making sure I see more of this beautiful land called southern Utah.
The beauty of this area is a huge part of why I moved out here. I wanted to see beauty and get out there and have an outdoor lifestyle. I’m sure that come winter, it may be more difficult to do so, but until then, baby…..I’m getting out there as often as I can! I’ve pushed myself to walk in places at the parks where before I would have been scared to walk due to my fear of heights. With every “push” I give myself, I feel myself getting stronger. It’s a wonderful feeling to know you can be at any age and still be growing.
My phone doesn’t do the best with the lighting in the canyon, but I just love how the sandstone looks, and curves.
I see views like this every day – it just blows my mind.Rainbows are so amazing out here – you can usually see a full one.I love the way you can see rain far off in the distance out here. Loved the contrast between the dark and white billowy clouds off in the distance.From my walk on the K-Hill Trail the other day. I often find myself just looking at the clouds and scenery in amazement. I have to pinch myself that this is around me every day now. It’s not just a vacation where i have to try to soak it all in and take back the memories until the next year.Yep, another shot of the Grand Canyon from my trip there two weeks ago.
That one word sums it up. How I felt last night. How I feel when I am at work these days. How I feel when I’m home in the evenings and take little Osito for a walk down past the RV park near me and we check out all the big fancy motorhome rigs that have set up camp for the night. How I feel when I sit outside of my RV and just have a good book to read, and I marvel at the wonderful, fall-ish, dry air of the southwest. How I feel when I see a rainbow so often these days. It’s just amazing.
There were definitely days over the past year or two when I thought this time would never come, and when I thought I would never figure out exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I just knew that what I was doing at the time was not it. My good friends would listen to me tell them about my newest idea, or newest place I wanted to move. They never laughed at me, but would chuckle with me as I said, “ok, so here’s what I am thinking this week.” I just always had that date of Aug. 2015 in my mind and knew it would come to me by then. Every change in thought brought me closer to where I needed to be in the grand scheme of things. My life is much simpler now, and I’m so grateful for that.
I remember the days when I would have to listen to people throwing all those questions/roadblocks in my way, saying, why would you want to give up everything you have to go and scoop animal poop all day long? There were days when people would send me job descriptions for jobs similar to what I had but in different locations. As if the change in location was all that I needed. It was definitely a test of patience, and I had to remind myself that people were projecting their own fears onto me. I always needed to remember the source of the concern. Their fears, and their love for me. It wasn’t a criticism of me.
I’m doing the online dating thing now. Some might find it weird that I signed up for it so quickly after having moved here, but I purposely didn’t date for the last few years because I didn’t want any person to distract me from my goals. I didn’t want to take the chance that someone might want me to change my mind and stay put, in Boston. Because I knew in my heart, staying put was not an option. I’m hoping it works out, but if it doesn’t, I’m also ok with that too. At least I will know I’ve tried. And if I meet cool people along the way, and maybe make some friends out of it as well, then it will be one more positive experience for me. The thing is, I’m not looking for someone to complete me or fill a hole in me or feel like I’m lacking or deficient being by myself. And that’s how I know I’m ready. I’m happy with me.
I hope you have enjoyed the pictures. Not sure why they all loaded into my page the way they did, all together, but anyway, there you go! If you ever have a chance to get out to the southwest, do it!! Your stress level will go down remarkably. I promise you. (And a PS to those of you who know I have been weaning myself off of Prozac now for the past few months. I’m down to half the dosage I was on for several years. I’m doing it, and feel great. It’s just a matter of time until I’ve got it completely cleared out of my system. I’m no longer afraid of the “what ifs” that held me back from doing this before. If you’re new to the blog, you can read more about that here.)
As always, thanks for reading, and if you have enjoyed this post, please hit like or subscribe or leave me a comment below. I love to hear from you (seriously.)
Hey everyone, I didn’t forget this blog exists. It’s just been a completely crazy past month or so, and once I explain it, I think you’ll agree.
Hm….so I went to Utah for a two week working interview with Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. I had been asked to come out for such an interview by three departments but I chose to work with bunnies for my two weeks. And good news, I was offered a job last week and gave my notice at my job this week! So in August, guess what I’m doing?? That’s right, driving to Utah with my five cats and my dog!! Woohoo!!! (Does anyone have any sedatives they can give me to take for myself during that drive??) I kid, I kid, it won’t be me that is sedated, if anyone, but the cats, who will otherwise probably drive me insane with non stop crying.
Also, during those two weeks, Bonkers, my elder statesman cat, got sick and was taken to the vet by some amazing ladies on three different occasions, and had surgery last week. I had to take him back to the animal hospital this past Saturday to have a drain removed, and then, guess what? His wound got infected! Oh, did I forget to mention his procedure was for an anal abscess, and that’s like the worst possible area of your body to have to deal with bacteria while healing! So two nights ago, I took him to the animal hospital again. Yes, the bills have been hefty, to the tune of probably about 5K when tomorrow is all said and done, but I love the little guy to death.
This weekend,I’m going car shopping!! And slowly giving away all of my furniture! The cedar chest and dresser have already been spoken for, and another friend is taking the loveseat, couch and probably a bookcase. And I’ve offered my bed to a couple who currently live in a furnished apartment but who fear that their landlord may be removing the furniture in a few months! I’m loving getting rid of stuff, it’s so liberating. People do not exaggerate when they talk about how good it makes you feel.
AND, my author has come back with some extra questions for me to work on in flushing out new details for the book.
OH, and I almost forgot! I bought an RV!! I rented a space in a mobile rv park in town about a 12 minute drive from my new job, and it just got delivered to the spot yesterday! It’s a 1999 Fleetwood Prowler 5th wheel – 30 1/2 feet long, and it has two slides. Laminate flooring made to look like wood on the inside and pretty much my color scheme but with wood colored cabinets rather than the white ones I would have preferred. (You can’t have everything you want.)
So, pics will be coming! I just wanted to let you know I’m here and good but going a bit insane with so much to deal with all at the same time.
Oh, and did I forget to mention – my best friend had her baby last weekend and my mom is getting married a week from tomorrow??? (THUS necessitating the need to have a car after this weekend!)
I will share more soon!
If you’ve liked this post, please hit like or subscribe! Or drop me a line below!
First, I’ll admit my iPod Nano’s playlist terribly needs updating, but that’s a story for another day. What matters is a song I heard the other day while running – “One Step at a Time” by Jordin Sparks. (No mocking please, and hey, I told you the playlist is outdated!!)
As I’ve been working steadily on achieving my dreams these past several months, I’ve had a lot of people tell me that they find me inspiring. That I’ve been gotten them to thinking to follow their dreams too, to not just let them go. While I find this very flattering, I have to admit, it blows my mind in a way.
Let me explain. When we’re kids, we have all these dreams of what we want to do. I have a few nephews that at various times of growing up, have wanted to be a tractor trailer driver. They were totally into cars and trucks at that stage of their life, and I loved seeing the excitement on their faces, and that 100% confidence in what they were saying that it seems only kids have these days. As adults, we are sometimes (ok, oftentimes) afraid to admit what we really want to do with our lives. We’re so worried about what others will think. What others will then say to us – “are you crazy? why would you do that? what about all the degrees you’ve worked for? can you really afford to live on that kind of money?” And the list goes on. You have to remember the source of those words and determine for yourself if you want to give them credence. You have to remember the motivation for those questions – is that person projecting their own fear onto you? Are they simply concerned? Are they completely out of touch with who this new “you” is?
Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed with all the changes you see yourself having to make. Remember, they don’t need to be done all at once. Just take it one step at a time. Just do one small action every day. Maybe it’s that you start web searching about different careers or find someone’s blog talking about what you want to do. Maybe you look into what air fares cost to the part of the country you want to move to. Maybe you look up academic programs to investigate what other careers are out there that might suit you better than the one in which you currently find yourself. The point is, DO SOMETHING. The easiest way to make something feel less overwhelming is to make a decision to do more than just think about it. Get some stuff out of your head. Write it down and put it somewhere you will be forced to look at it consistently. Don’t let yourself get stuck in that trap known as Paralysis by Analysis.
And, while I know this is easier for me to say than for you to necessarily do, ignore the haters and the doubters. You know how many times it’s been suggested to me to be a lawyer for PETA or some other animal-welfare type of organization? You know how much I HATED being a lawyer?? Let the people who love being a lawyer and who also love animals do that. I am perfectly happy to let them.
If the life you want to lead requires you to live on a smaller salary, then start taking steps to live on less. Everyone’s financial situation is different, of course, but just because you get paid X dollars per paycheck doesn’t mean you have to spend all X of those dollars. Just try saving $5-10 per week. It might not seem like a lot in the beginning but if left to grow, it will. Name the account into which you put it your “Freedom Fund.” Because that’s what it is – your freedom in the future. And by putting every small cent into it, you bring that future closer to your present. Just DO SOMETHING. Because if you don’t, well then, you’re still in the same place. I can’t tell you how long I let myself be stuck in that place. Many, many years. Many years when I just shoved that part of my gut down to a place where it was so muffled I couldn’t understand what it was trying to say. It ended up with me having crying jags almost every day, and to sessions with a therapist where I was in tears that were so painful they were the type that made me feel like I couldn’t breathe afterward, as if I was a little kid. Please, don’t do that to yourself.
I admit, all of this is scary at first. But it’s also exciting. Focus on that, rather than the scariness. That’s what I am doing about my trip to Utah in a few weeks. I’ll be spending two weeks at Best Friends, working with bunnies. I don’t know a ton about bunnies, but guess what? I’m going to learn. I’m going to go there with an open, observing mind, ask questions, and show what I’m made of. I’m not stupid and I’m a hard worker so I aim to make those two qualities show! And yes, it will be hot, but it’s a dry heat, and I figure if I can get through those two weeks’ temps, I should be good in the future. (And believe me, if you had told me that this is what I would be doing, even two years ago, I would not have believed you.)
Ever since I started taking the steps to listen to myself and turn my thoughts into actions, I have felt so much happier with my life. That’s what I wish for you. Just take it one step at a time. And remember, breathe. Because breathing is a good thing! 🙂
Marconi Point on Cape Cod – the fog had rolled in, making everything seem other-worldly. It was a very big drop down to the water, which may not actually show on this photo. As in, probably a hundred feet or more.
I realized last night that my ex (as in husband) is remarried. It’s one of those things you know can happen and it shouldn’t be a surprise. That’s not what bothers me. In fact, I’m glad for him that he is remarried and found someone. When I left our marriage, I knew he loved me more than I did him, and I wanted him to find someone who would love him just as much as I knew he loved me. And it seems he found that someone. So now I can really tell myself, “see, you didn’t ruin his life as you once feared you might have when all that negative self-talk played such a large role in your life.” It just threw me for a loop at first but I think that’s normal. Read more →
For the longest time, this guy was v. Reminded me, it’s ok to just sit and be still.
A good friend wrote to me after my last post and was worried I would be upset with his response to my last post – that he just finds it hard to picture me as being depressed. Far from being upset with him, I felt very touched by his words, and supported, and it just proved to me how far I’ve come. That’s also how I felt when reading people’s comments on my last post, either here on the blog or in messages sent to me. I think when you share parts of yourself, people know when you’re being real and when you’re not. I hope to be able to do that here on this blog as I wean myself off my anti-depressants. Btw, I take two – Wellbutrin and Prozac. I also take Prozac for anxiety, so that will be the second one I will try to go off of. I’m too scared to try both of them at the same time, and they do different things for you, anyway. So, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out. It means a lot to me.
I currently take 60 mg of Prozac, which I understand is on the higher end. I used to take 80 mg but that dosage had the effect of making me feel very “blah.” I really didn’t care about much. Enter Wellbutrin, as we chopped the Prozac back to 60 mg. It took us a little while to get the dosage right, so I’ve been taking 100 mg of the extended release (or so I thought. I just looked at my prescription tonight and I think it’s actually Sustained Release, which I consider to be a positive.)
So here is what has happened to me in the past when I tried to stop taking Prozac. I was seeing a psychiatrist, who, while she was very smart, didn’t always have the best, shall we say, bedside manner? We tried cutting down my medication to 40 mg, and after a few days, I felt as depressed as I did before I started taking them. I was dating someone long distance then, and remember having a difficult time trying to describe to him how I felt. I was afraid I was going to go back to the person I was a few years before then, and of course wondered, would he still love me?
Sounds irrational, right? You see, this is how coming off of anti-depressants can feel to some. You can feel just as depressed as you were originally, if not more so. Your thoughts start to run together all in a jumble, and it’s very hard to put a stop to them. Everything I ever felt insecure about, well, it all came rushing in at me. When I tried to talk to the psychiatrist about how I was feeling, I remember her saying, in a very snappish sort of tone, “well, Prozac has a long shelf life so if you’re already feeling that way, then no, you’re not ready to come off of them!” I remember feeling like I was a failure. Yes, I was still damaged goods in my mind, I thought. I’m a weak person that can’t be happy without a little help of medication.
Earlier this year, I tried to cut down on my wellbutrin and asthma medication at the same time. I was and am worried about what these medications will cost when the time may come that I don’t have great health insurance. I called my pharmacy to ask what these would each cost if I didn’t have health insurance. Well, Wellbutrin was around $50/month, Prozac was about $15/month, and I forget how much Singulaire is, but I know it was steep. Great, I thought, just one more stress or monthly bill to worry about. So I tried. Unfortunately, I then caught a cold and if you’ve ever taken asthma medication or have been diagnosed, you know how quickly an innocent cold can go into your chest, and how hard it can then be to get rid of it.
Did I also mention that when I tried decreasing my medications, Boston was also have its worst winter, as in EVER?? And that I also suffer from SAD (you know, seasonal affective disorder which a lot of folks get in northern climates where we are always vitamin D deficient.) Yep, not a smart time to try coming off of any mood-changing medications. I just didn’t like how I was feeling. And that made me feel, again, that there was something wrong about me, something was lacking, because I couldn’t seem to steer past these feelings. Now, I do understand that if you have had two or more depressive episodes in your life, you are that much more likely to suffer a third, or that sometimes you stay on them as maintenance medication. So I gave in to thinking that, that they would be to me as high blood pressure medication is to others. And who knows, maybe I do need them as maintenance medication, but then again, maybe I’ve not tried hard enough in the past. Maybe I really wasn’t ready then, but am ready now.
Why do I think this time might be different, you ask? Well, it’s summer, and I always get a mood boost when the days are longer. I’m starting to read a lot about how the foods you eat can really affect how you feel both inside and out. My diet is cleaner now than it was in the past, with no dairy or meat. I have these several weeks off for recovery from my surgery, and I know that part of that healing is physical but there’s also a mental component to it. This gives me time to really get in tune with myself and my feelings, and I’m able to spend all day with my furballs, who always make me feel better. I’ve got the reservoir out back that I can go sit at when I need to think, or just be around people (one reason I’ve loved my evening walks lately.)
I thought about all of this a lot tonight as I sat on a bench at the reservoir and just watched the daytime slip away and darkness’ approach. I listened to the wind in the trees, and the water lapping up on the shore, with the occasional runner or walker passing by me. I felt more at peace than I have in a while. I know I’m NOT damaged goods anymore. I know I’m in a better place. I know that I’ve got dreams now and am not just sleepwalking my way through life. And I know I’ve got people who love and support me and care for me, both online and off. I know that some of you reading this may have gone through this before, or something similar and I know that some of you will understand. It’s ok if you don’t comment, as it just helps me to get these things out there. And I now know that some of what I might eventually feel is just my brain and body resetting itself. I know now that it will be temporary and not a statement about who I am, and will be, permanently.
Those of you who are runners will understand that it’s like when you’re a runner, and the weather suddenly starts to get disgustingly hot or humid and all of a sudden, your runs all turn to complete crap. You know it’s only temporary and that it’ll suck while you are slogging through it, but eventually your body and mind adjusts and you push through it. You know that eventually the cooler temps will return, and then you’re simply gonna FLY!
A complete stranger told me the other day (as I helped her get a baby turtle off the running path and to the safety of a rock near the water) that I had good energy around me. I choose to take that as a sign.
As always, thank you for reading and if this has helped you out, or you think it might help someone else, please feel free to share it. Thank you, and have a great start to the work week.
First off, I am finding this break to be such a blessing. It’s allowing me to get more in touch with myself and find out why I let some things bother me and the ways I’ve coped with them in the past, vs. ways I can cope with them in the future. It’s allowing me time away from a job that, quite honestly, I was feeling really burnt out on. I was finding myself falling into negativity pretty easily, letting the thoughts of others sometimes overcome my own and shape the way I looked at some things. I I hadn’t taken time off in a long time because I’m trying to save up as much vacation time as possible for later this summer. Needless to say, I’m hoping my attitude changes when I go back.
Still not allowed to run yet, so this morning, I listened to the Rich Roll Podcast while doing my three loops around the reservoir (for a bit over 4.7 miles in total!) (By the way, I just saw a few minutes ago that he interviewed Gene Baur of Farm Sanctuary!) He now has a book out called the Plant Power Way, which I plan on reading. Eight years ago, he was overweight and didn’t have much motivation or enthusiasm for life. Now he’s an elite ultra runner and athlete. So much of his change is due to a change in attitude and also his diet. His podcasts tend to run a bit long but I found the one from this morning really, really inspiring.
I’ve been talking with a friend lately about how I would like to wean myself off of my antidepressants, but that a part of me is scared. I’m worried about the withdrawal symptoms that can come with that. How will I know what is a withdrawal or discontinuance symptom and what is not? I’m very happy with my life right now and how I feel about myself for the most part, so a small part of me questions, is that really the true new me, or is the meds creating that feeling of goodness?
Here’s what hit me this morning. I think I’ve been allowing myself to think about the whole weaning off of antidepressants, in a victim type of way. In the past when I’ve tried to do so, I’ve really paid close attention to any supposed “withdrawal/discontinuance symptoms.” Maybe too close. Who says I have to be one of those folks who suffers from them? Not everyone does. Maybe it’s literally mind over matter that I need to use. Isn’t all of it or a large portion of how you heal from any illness or medical (or otherwise) problem how you face it? With a positive attitude? I mean, I was able to give up coffee cold turkey and I always felt like that was a drug that I absolutely needed. I was able to change to vegetarian overnight. And I was able to, once I finally put my mind to it, turn vegan, pretty quickly as well. (I was able to come home one night and just get rid of all of my clothes that included wool without a second thought.) So why not this, as well? I definitely didn’t think I would be up to walking almost five miles at a pop after just two and a half weeks after major abdominal surgery!
When I was walking this morning, this hit me like a lightning bolt. I found myself smiling at a lot of people (some were returned, others not), and i found myself feeling as excited as the day when I decided to go vegan. I’ll be honest, though, it’s excitement mixed with fear. But if there’s one thing I have learned over the past few years, it’s that I need to push myself beyond my comfort zone if I’m going to continue growing. If I just settle for what feels safe, I’ll look back at my life (much) later on and wonder where it all went. I’m not willing to do that. Not anymore. And that is totally within my power.
If you’ve liked this post, please hit like or subscribe or share it with someone! Thank you for reading!
I promise this entire post is not about food. But I have clarified a few things in my head over the past few days.
1) Watching the movie Cowspiracy really hit me hard this weekend. Until now, I’ve found it pretty easy to not eat any meat products for the past few years. Whenever I felt like “oh, that meat smells good….” I would then remind myself of why I don’t eat meat. Not because I don’t like the taste, but because I don’t want to be part of anything that involves an animal being slaughtered. But I couldn’t give up the dairy quite so easily. Maybe because I’d been brought up to drink milk as if it was water – literally, we used to go through so many gallons of milk every few days in our house. It was nothing to have a few glasses of milk at dinner time. It didn’t matter what we were eating. Spaghetti with milk? Sure! (I know, gross, right?) And it wasn’t skim milk we were drinking but the whole vitamin D milk. Yep. (Let’s not even talk about the powdered milk we drank when times were tough, money-wise. Eeww.)
Even when I was married, when I went to the store, I would buy skim milk for my husband and whole milk for myself. Eventually, he talked me into trying 2% and I noticed I didn’t have as many stomach issues as I used to have. So I slowly worked myself down to where I was drinking skim milk. And now I only use almond milk or coconut milk and I find that I don’t miss regular cow’s milk.
I believe I have mentioned I have fibroids, and that’s why I will be in surgery just three weeks from today. I didn’t realize until watching that movie over the weekend, that dairy products can contribute to fibroids. Now, while I will be having my fibroids-producing organ removed (ahem, uterus), I still want to continue not drinking cow milk. The movie showed how many acres it can take to feed a vegan per year vs. just a vegetarian. The difference was astounding – .6 acres to feed a vegan, whereas it takes 1.8 acres to feed a vegetarian. Imagine what I might be able to do with my own garden! (By the way, I love gardening, getting out there and getting my hands dirty, watching something grow from my own labor, and that tastes amazing!) So, priority #1 is to no longer bring dairy products into my home (I’m going to probably still eat the chocolate yogurt I have in my fridge until the next grocery day, just because I love chocolate and I already bought it), but after that, no dairy products enter my doorway.
2) Priority #2, I set over the weekend was to save even more from each of my paychecks. I’ve been putting away $750 out of every paycheck since last summer. Before that, I was definitely saving but not at such a rate, as my focus had been more on paying down my private student loan, whose balance sits at $12,777.97 as of today (just checked.) As of this weekend, I decided I would start trying to save $835 from each paycheck. That may not sound like a lot more – it’s $170 but I’ve already been cutting down my expenses as much as I can. So this means really tightening the grocery budget and keeping the pet expenses in check as well. I have to admit, looking back at what I’ve spent with Chewy.com (a company I can’t recommend enough, and one, who when you call their number, you get a real live person on the other end, imagine!), I’ve been doing pretty good. I’ve been planning budgets for pet food, etc., for about $180 per month and I’ve actually spent more of an average of $130/month, so I was feeling pretty good about that. That’s just for their food and litter, pee pads for Osito, etc., no vet expenses.
My take home after savings is now about $2460 a month. I budget it like this:
$1050 – rent
$55 – internet service
$35 – cell (with Cricket Wireless, I get 2.5 gb of data/month, suits me just fine.)
$25 – electricity/gas (this goes up a bit in summer, with the AC, but not too much.)
$167 – private student loan
$538 – interest only payments on federal student loans (yep, that only keeps the loan from growing, folks)
$250 – food
$160 – zipcar (this is to get back and forth to volunteering with the livestock animals.)
$150 – pet food, etc. (still gonna budget higher because some months, it’s higher than others, etc.)
I totalled this up and it comes to $2430. So as you can see, I need to be frugal and keep an eye on these expenses, as there isn’t much room for error. I’m considering it practice for when my life plans change. Not drinking coffee, and not eating a lot of processed foods should help a lot with the grocery budget. Plus, soon, I can start riding my bike more regularly and going to my local grocer guy who only takes cash for payment but offers produce at an amazing price, and always with a smile.
And yes, I do plan on including personal care items more and more into the grocery end of the budget, such as toilet paper, the occasional need to buy shampoo and conditioner, get a hair cut, etc. I buy some things in bulk, like toilet paper, paper towels, pee pads, from amazon, so the cost is defrayed over a few months. I also don’t cut my hair that often (it’s below my shoulders) and when I do color it, it’s done at home by me. I take care of my eyebrows mainly by myself. It’s amazing what you can save when you take care of things on your own rather than paying someone else to do it. (Speaking of, after my surgery, I will continue using instacart for my groceries, but once I’m healed, it’ll be me going to my grocer guy.)
You’ll notice I don’t really have laundry expenses added into all of that. That’s because I use a Manatee portable washing machine for almost all of my laundry (blankets and towels, excepting), and a spin dryer (mine is similar to this one on amazon) and then air dry most of my laundry.I used to spend upwards of $10/week on laundry. The cost of the two portable machines has more than paid me back over the past year or so. Here’s a video of how to use the Manatee on youtube. I just keep mine in the tub and fill it from the tub directly and then let the drain hose go right into the tub drain.
3) Priority #3 – Don’t let up on the downsizing. I need to sell my scooter which will soon be coming out of storage, and also other items in my apt that generally just take up space. I have some items from my grandmother I will likely sell – I have realized, if my apt were to catch on fire, I wouldn’t rush to save them, but I would rush to save the photos of her I have on my bedroom dresser. That tells me what truly holds meaning for me where she is concerned.
4) Priority #4 – this one is still being defined in my mind but it involves making some changes in this world, becoming more involved with causes I care about. The environment. Animals. When I watched that movie, I saw all these people who were so passionate about a particular subject. I’m going to start researching groups in my area now and in NC and learning ways to get involved. Start reaching out to people now and learn how I can be of help. See if they need someone to help with preparing any written materials for them, on the web or in some other form of media (especially when I won’t be able to do much physically after my surgery.) So maybe it’s more like a goal right now than a priority as I need to make it clearer in my mind. I’ll keep you updated.
I’m home today trying to get rid of a very stubborn cold that came back with a vengeance this past weekend and is totally pissing me off. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and am going to ask them if I can take an antibiotic of sorts, to get rid of it. I need to be done with it for my surgery! Coughing after abdominal surgery – yeah, not something I want to do!
Anyway, sorry this post has appeared to ramble a bit, but I felt the need or urge to write today and put some of these things out there. I like the accountability aspect.
If you’ve liked this post, please hit like or subscribe or drop me a line below. And thanks, as always, for reading.
Chasing Simple Dreams 