Many things to be thankful for this past week. So, let’s get started with the list!
- My birthday was this week. I felt a lot of love from folks and it was also very nice to hear from some how I don’t look my age. Exercise pays off, people! Read more
Memories
On my day off yesterday, I meant to get rid of a bunch of stuff. The day went by and the intentions were still there, but I hadn’t taken action. Until a friend told me someone from a woman’s shelter was coming by to take some donations and did I want to get rid of anything? They especially wanted yarn and knitting needles.
When you don’t have a car, it’s hard to get rid of stuff sometimes. It’s that extra effort of getting the stuff to the donation box or the Good Will, that stops you. Or, at the very least, slows you down. But this took that problem out of the equation.
Well, I ran around my place like a crazy woman. Got rid of pantyhose (they need them for interviews), blank note cards, resume paper, gift bags, and yes, yarn and knitting needles. The needles were my grandma’s and were the old school type-metal! I had been hanging on to them for sentimental reasons. Knitting had been important to my grandma, or at least I remembered her doing a lot of it. Ergo, they had to be important to me too, right. Didn’t that make perfect sense? Long story short, I kept a pair and donated the rest.
I’ve bought a wand scanner with the intention of scanning photos and putting them into a digital photo frame. If I’m going to live in a tiny house, I need to economize where I put things. A digital frame just makes sense. But, I do have a fear of losing the printed photo and then the technology changes, and eventually, I just can’t see the photos anymore. Irrational fear? Perhaps.
Last night, I went to the boxes below my bed and started pulling out the photo albums. I then remembered that’s where I have kept the photos from my wedding and my married life, as well as the years leading up to my marriage with my now-ex husband. When I left, he gave me all the items that we had taken or accrued together of sentimental value. Some thought that to be harsh of him. i realized it was his way of dealing with things, so I took them. At the time, I thought I deserved the guilt of having to relive those memories every time I looked at them. Now, the question is–do I keep the photos? Do I scan them into a separate disk so I still have them but they won’t inadvertently show up in the random display of photos I want to see regularly? Because that would be like a dull knife stabbing me every time, I think.
I watched the video of Dee Williams (embedded above) a few weeks ago and a few times since. In it, she mentions she was engaged to be married at one point in her life. She said she kept the wedding engagement announcement for decades. She finally realized she knew that happened and could let the written record of that happening, go. She knew she could hold it in her heart and inside of herself.
Similar to Dee, I know it (our relationship) happened. I know we had 12 years together. I know that parts of it were very good but it just wasn’t meant to last forever. If it had, I wouldn’t be who I am today. And when I look at them, it doesn’t make me feel that great. I feel a tinge of sadness. So, I think I am getting close to letting the photos go. It doesn’t mean the memories aren’t in me. They will always be there unless I get a mental illness that robs me of them (please please let that not happen!)
I keep thinking of what Dee says in the video–what would you want to hold in your arms as you die? I know that my answer to that question may change over time but I don’t think it would be photos of my wedding and subsequent marriage which ended a few years ago.
What memories do you have difficulty dealing with? Do you have photos like I do that you can’t get rid of or have had difficulty doing so in the past?
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Maybe…just maybe…yes
I saw a friend’s resume the other day and was really impressed. She is a writer in the tried and true sense of the word. She has her MFA in creative writing and has been published many, many times. I asked her how she got so many pieces published and said how I would feel so afraid of rejection. She acknowledged she has been rejected many times, but it just fuels her to keep going. This person has gone through a lot in life so I was really inspired to hear her say that. And it got me thinking…
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Little Things for Which I am Thankful
This week has been much better than last week. Even took a day off all for myself. “Mental health days” as I like to call them, are much needed sometimes, especially when you are facing the longer, colder nights of the Northeast. Not looking forward to looking out my window at work and seeing that it’s dark out by a little bit after 4 p.m. But I have a plan to combat that SAD syndrome I usually go through! (See number 4 below.) Read more
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Blue Hydrangeas
Blue hydrangeas. They are my favorite flower and have been as far back as I can remember. I’m not sure if it was because I saw them in Martha’s Vineyard and they were so plentiful near the water, but the image of seeing them as the ferry neared the island has always stuck with me. Read more
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Little Things for Which I am Thankful
We finally have a fully staffed department at work so I don’t feel as much like a chicken with my head cut off at work these days as I did last year. Thinking about that craziness makes me shiver. Read more
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Getting Rid of my Debt, Part 4 (to save or not to save)
Sorry for the crappy quality of the photos above – the lighting in my apartment is not great.
A huge focus of mine over the past year or so has been reducing those blasted balances of mine. You saw in my last post on debt what those balances are. However, I have a question I’ve been trying to mull over.
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Some Days are Harder than Others
Understatement of the year, I know. But it kind of describes my whole weekend. I felt lonely and really sad. Stuck in place. Knowing I have some things to work through and wondering if the feelings I am experiencing are normal or from hormones or related to the depression I usually think I have beaten. Read more
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Little Things for which I am Thankful
Writing this post as the week goes along really does make me sit up and take notice of more around me. Writing really is healing.
- That feeling of warmth and coziness you get the first few times you turn on your heat into your apartment, just to get rid of that chill. It’s a different feeling than the times when you know it will be kept on permanently for several months. (Those of you in the south, just use your imaginations for that one… 😉 Read more
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Sooo Cooo-wooolllll!!
As I was getting my bike ready for my commute home tonight, I saw a little boy who couldn’t have been more than 2 or 3 at the oldest, riding his bike with training wheels, accompanied by his parents. He sounded so happy and proud, riding his bike and staying upright. He kept saying “sooo Cooo-woollll!” (That is my best phonetic spelling of his cute little voice and kid talk. You get the idea.) He had on a green shirt and green pants, and I think his bike was green too!
I’m not sure why but the sound of his voice and the joy it contained stuck with me. Enough that I thought to myself, I need to write about this. Hopefully it will help someone to smile when they read it. Too many times as adults, we forget what it’s like to take so much pleasure in something so small and elementary as riding a bike and realizing how much faster you can go on a big-boy bike rather than a tricycle. I know I’m guilty of that too, and I wish it wasn’t the case.
In my writing class today, we were told to think about mentors for writing–who do we think of as one, either formal or informal? I’m not sure why, but rather than thinking of writing mentors, I started thinking about people who are mentors in my life for other reasons. I have so many, and they probably don’t even know it. I think of mentors as being role models who also support you in your growth and endeavors.
It won’t be surprising to many of you that my younger brother is a mentor to me in many ways. He’s a great runner but really, he is a mentor to me because of his positive attitude and his unwavering support and encouragement. He’s also a mentor because of his ability to inspire me to reach out beyond my comfort zone, even if I don’t always do it on the same scale as him. There are so many examples I could give about him, I could go on forever.
Another mentor is someone that I met in my online digital photography class, and we have never met in person. Yet, she is completely supportive and I have found myself sharing some personal experiences with her (about my grandmother, etc.) and she doesn’t make me feel like I am over sharing. She doesn’t make me feel weird for saying I want to move to the west coast and start up a job in a completely different field from which I’m currently employed. She also takes amazing photos of a gorgeous coastline and recognizes beauty in the ordinary. I don’t know why, but with the mention of the word “mentor,” she immediately came to mind.
Another mentor of mine is a friend to whom I turn for support in my financial goals (and others as well.) She keeps me on the straight and narrow and is like an extra conscience because when she gives me advice or we’re just talking, she always gives it to me straight. And, we cheer for each other as we reach milestones.
Finally, a friend of mine who lives across the country on the west coast constantly amazes me with his ability to do little thoughtful things for others. When my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, he immediately wrote me a quick note and put it in the mail. Yes, the actual mail. It’s an amazingly warm and fuzzy feeling to receive something like that. That is just one example of his heart and caring attitude. I aspire to be as thoughtful as him.
I just felt the need to write this, to thank these people for helping me to achieve my dreams, in big and little ways. Do any of you have someone who you consider a mentor, even if they don’t know it? If so, tell them, because that wold be soooo Cooo-wow wooolllll! 🙂
Chasing Simple Dreams 